Penn State is the greatest place on Earth. Blah, blah…I never want to leave Happy Valley. Blah, blah, blah. Can you ever love something completely without taking the time to recognize its less lovable traits? We Are!…a little bit annoyed about some aspects of life at Penn State. Here are 10 #PennStateProbs that every Nittany Lion hates.
1. That Rutgers Is Our Football Rival
Rutgers, stop trying to make our rivalry happen. Is this really a rivalry if we defeated you in a 39-0 victory this season? Probably not. Also, please let us know why there appeared to be more Penn State fans than Rutgers fans at their own home game. PSU deserves a real rival. Preferably one that we can actually have a rivalry with.
2. Driving in Downtown State College
If you’re from rural Pennsylvania the way many Penn Staters are, you know what it’s like to slam on your brakes as a deer leaps in front of your car. Seriously, Bambi. Do you want to be hit? If you replace the deer with college students you’ll understand what it’s like to drive through downtown State College. There is such a thing as having the “right of way,” and you pedestrians don’t always have it. And none of us broke college students can afford the ensuing lawsuit.
3. When People Ask Us About Jerry Sandusky
For the last damn time, we had nothing to do with the Sandusky Scandal. Yes, the controversy left a horrible stain on the Penn State rep, and deservedly so. But being a Nittany Lion doesn’t mean we’re complicit with what happened. The majority of us weren’t even Penn State students when the scandal broke. Plus, we’re not the ones you’ll hear cracking jokes about something as awful as sexual abuse…We see you, PSU football “rivals.”
4. The Anxiety Trap that is the HUB
Some days, you might just want to stop by the HUB to get a famous HUB salad, one of those new poke bowls or your basic PSL from Starbs. Haha, you thought! Walking into the HUB means being bombarded with music, crowds and “those dang people giving out pamphlets,” senior Will Gladden said.
5. The Proximity of One Desk to Another in Forum Building
Everyone has class in the Forum Building at some point or another, so you know exactly what I’m talking about. “The seats are so close together that there is no sense of personal space…Last year this dude would come to the lectures right after the gym, and he would literally sweat on people because of how close the seats were,” recent graduate Abhar Shah said. Now, imagine dealing with that if you were hungover or if that person had a cold. Yikes.
Maybe eLion wasn’t anyone’s favorite way to manage classes, tuition, transcripts and other academic essentials, but at least we all understood how to use it. Now we have LionPATH. Our own advisors don’t even know exactly how it works. Isn’t that legitimately their job to know? “It is one of the most frustrating and unintuitive user interfaces I’ve ever had to deal with,” senior Joe Shults said. We extend our sympathy to those students who have to deal with this website for all four years. Us seniors remember the good ol’ days of eLion.
7. Trying to Wedge Yourself Onto a Cata Bus
When the weather’s nice out, most people forgo riding the bus loops in favor of walking to class or work. But when it’s raining or snowing in State College, finding a seat (or place to stand) on the Cata buses is like finding a seat in one of the final rounds of a game of musical chairs. “The urge to cave to my laziness and ride the loop is only ever strong enough on a rainy day, which is of course, when all of Penn State also loops. I’d rather walk through pouring rain without an umbrella than try to squeeze onto a loop for an 11:15,” senior Cassie Hess said. You’ll be #blessed to find a seat during a rain storm.
8. The Mosh Pit to Enter the Student Section at Beaver Stadium
Imagine the stampede of wildebeests scene in Lion King (RIP Mufasa. #NeverForget). Now replace the wildebeests with drunk Penn State college kids. An hour before every home game, these wild college kids eventually come to a standstill as they wait to enter at the student section gates at Beaver Stadium. The amount of fights I’ve seen break out as people shimmy their way through the crowd is astronomical. Penn State, please figure this one out. It’s not fun. We feel like cows being herded to their slaughter. All we want to do is get to our seats and cheer on our team.
9. The Line at Dunkin After a PSU Football Win
This is really a bragplain, but whenever Penn State wins a football game, Dunkin Donuts gives out free coffee the following Monday through the “Penn State Wins, You Win” program. Pretty sweet. I know. However, if you’re just trying to get your daily dose of caffeine, prepare to wait five-ever in that line. Worth it? That’s up to you. Good thing there’s a Starbucks less than a block away. State College, why can’t you just replace that Starbucks with another Dunkin?
10. That We Have to Leave This Place
Sure, Nittany Lions complain about some facets of Penn State life, but when it comes down to it, we all know we’ll be sobbing on the day we don our blue graduation robes. Why would anyone want to leave State College? But until then, we’ll continue complaining about the little stuff. Although, we could really get these things fixed…Oh, and we’ll continue to complain about any non-Penn Staters who swerve out of their lanes to complain about us. Bye Felicia!