• I know finishing and then getting out of rehab can be hard, but actually trying to get into rehab?  That’s something only the alleged stalker of Celebrity Rehab’s Dr. Drew Pinsky would do.  Charles Pearson is being charged with felony stalking after threatening Dr. Drew and his family with really scary-sounding stuff.  Dr. Drew, always the concerned psychologist, seems understanding about the whole thing however, saying he hopes Pearson gets the help he needs soon.  I just hope he isn’t able to post bail.
• The Academy Awards are this Sunday(!), and I’d just like to say that if Avatar wins the Oscar for Best Picture, I will personally write a very nasty letter to the Academy and, with my editor’s permission, post it right here next week.  Adding blue people does not change the fact that Fern Gully + Pocahontas = Avatar.  Even if Sam Worthington is the best-looking blue person I’ve ever seen.

Best part of the movie, hands down.

• I do, however, hope Jeff Bridges wins Best Actor—the Dude at least deserves an Oscar for the loss of his rug, which really did tie the room together…

• Want to see Braid Paisley face-plant during a concert?  Today’s your lucky day! You can watch him fall over and over again!  And before you accuse me of being insensitive, he’s fine.
• Conan O’Brien is reportedly going on tour this April!  I am going, even if I have to sell an organ to buy myself a ticket.  My favorite ginger isn’t allowed to return to television until this fall, according to the settlement made with NBC, so I guess this is his way of keeping himself busy while showing the network execs that they can kiss his skinny pale behind.

Serious face.

Image sources: http://resources3.news.com.au, www.etonline.com

• It’s not the Soup Nazi after Jerry Seinfeld this time, it’s the NYPD.  Apparently, Seinfeld’s driver, an ex-cop, still has a Bronx police placard he uses when he can’t find anywhere to park in Manhattan.  The placard was displayed on the dashboard of the car recently when the driver had to escort Seinfeld into a taping of his new show, The Marriage Ref.  According to police records, the placard was returned back in 2007, but they’re looking into it nevertheless.  Seinfeld’s rep insists the comedian didn’t know about the placard and apologizes for breaking the law—the driver won’t be fired.  Wonder who squealed…NEWMAN!
• Kelly Ripa has a new tattoo. Actually, it looks more like a branding…it’s her husband’s last name in fancy script: Consuelos.  I guess if she ever gets lost, we’ll know to whom she belongs and where to return her.  Honestly, I think she probably had a few too many glasses of wine one day with Regis after Live and got inked before she sobered up enough to realize how stupid it looks.  Anyway, where do you think I should get Hugh Jackman’s name tattooed on me?  Maybe then he’ll understand how much I love him and leave his wife.  (These are the jokes, people).

I think she should get REGIS on the other wrist...

• And in white trash music news, former Poison frontman/VH1 reality star Bret Michaels just released a new single called ‘Nothing to Lose’ featuring Miley Cyrus.  Normally, I wouldn’t waste any brain cells on these two, but I couldn’t resist this time.  The new single is a little, uh, risqué.  For example, at one point in the song Michaels croons to 17-year-old Miley “Tonight in the darkness there’s nothing to lose/We both know better than this, still we can’t resist/Slowly get undressed”.  Sounds like he’s trying to invite her back to his trailer for some grilled possum…
• Are you willing to sign a waiver to go to Justin Beiber’s sweet 16?  The partying (which involves sumo wrestling, rock climbing, etc.) apparently could get a little out of hand, so kids have to get their parents to sign a waiver with the RSVP. You in?

What a wild child.

Image sources: www.fanpop.com, www.huffingtonpost.com

• One of the finest Youtube videos ever created is going to be on HBO!  That’s right, Drunk History is coming to premium cable on February 19, 2010, which will surely be a night of inebriated education.  It’s part of the Funny or Die comedy series, which in itself is a stroke of genius (The Landlord, anyone??)  I’d like to thank the drunkards who take the time to recreate some of the most interesting moments in history (apparently Ben Franklin had a bastard son?!), especially since they must suffer the worst hangovers.

• Lizzie McGuire is engaged!  That’s right, former Disney Channel star Hilary Duff is getting married to professional hockey player Mike Comrie, her boyfriend of more than two years.  Believe it or not, I don’t really have anything snarky to say about her, so I’ll be nice and just wish them both happiness.  But whatever happened to Gordo??

Meh...I think she could do better.

• Tiger Woods offered a televised apology on Friday, basically acknowledging the fact that he’s a complete toolbag, and his wife is pretty damn classy for not dragging his name through the mud when it would have been really easy and oh-so-satisfying to do exactly that.  He rambled for a while, leaving some experts thinking that it was more of a desperate plea than an honest apology.  I’m not sure it was sincere, or even if a mere “I’m sorry” makes up for everything he’s done. What do you think?  Has Tiger suffered enough from media scrutiny?  Should we just let it go?  And where does his marriage go from here?  Let me know in the comments!

Regardless of whether he should be forgiven for his rampant adultery, that outfit is a different story.

Image sources: www.eonline.com