A Girl’s Guide to Responding to Overused Pick Up Lines

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Can you believe that it’s almost 2016 and pick up lines are still a thing? Let that sink in. Somewhere in a bar, a poor girl is being approached by a drunken male with a suave “I got dis” look as he blurts out his best line hoping to get lucky tonight. Approximately every 15 seconds a pick up line is uttered somewhere in the world. I totally made that up, but the point is there’s way too many lame pick up lines, and the worst part is that they aren’t even clever or original. But because I consider myself a charitable person, here’s a handy guide on how to respond to the worst of the worst lines.

1. “Is that a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants.”

Initial thoughts: What the hell? Who even carries a mirror in their pocket? Oh, you can see yourself in my pants? Well, OK. Come on over and get inside. Just kidding, get away from me.
How to respond: “Is that a bruise on your cheek? Because I can see my fist punching you in the face.”

2. “You must be tired from running through my dreams all night.”

Initial thoughts: Gee, thanks. I’m so flattered that you think I look tired. That’s, like, the best compliment ever. I feel so much better about myself now.
How to respond: “You look tired from having used that line so many times without any success.”

3. “If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together.”

Initial thoughts: Yes, because nothing turns a girl on more than discussing the alphabet.
How to respond: “Really? I’d put F and U together. As in f–ck you.”

4. “I’m here, now you can start working on your other two wishes.”

Initial thoughts: OK, if I had three wishes why would I waste a perfectly good wish on you? Especially, when Harry Styles exists. What’s wrong with you?!
How to respond: “My next wish is for you to leave me alone. Forever.”

5. “Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk past you a few more times?”

Initial thoughts: ….stop. This actually makes you sound like a stalker. AKA, not cute at all.
How to respond: “Do you believe in restraining orders?”

6. “I lost my library card. Can I check you out instead?”

Initial thoughts: Wait, since when are books comparable with human beings? I think I must have missed that memo.
How to respond: “Do I look like a book like to you?”

7. “There’s a party in my pants, and you’re invited.”

Initial thoughts: Ew, that line is so 2008. God, what did I do to deserve this?
How to respond: “I just uninvited myself. I’d rather do anything else. Seriously.”

8. “Be different and unique. Just say yes.”

Initial thoughts: Has this guy ever stopped and wondered why exactly girls keep saying no to him? It might be because he uses lines like this.
How to respond: “Sorry, I’m not very original.”

9. “Are you a parking ticket? Because you’ve got fine written all over you.”

Initial thoughts: Don’t punch him in the face. Don’t punch him in the face. Don’t punch him in the face.
How to respond: Just kidding, you should totally punch him in the face.

10. “Are you looking for a stud? Because I’ve got the STD and all I need is U.”

Initial thoughts: Hold up…Did he really just say he had an STD? BRB, throwing myself off a bridge.
How to respond: “Can you and your STD get away from me ASAP?”

Elizabeth is a junior at University of Washington majoring in Journalism and Comparative Literature. She's always trying to be less sarcastic and always fails miserably. One time she met George Clooney and everything in the world made sense for those precious three seconds.

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