Can you believe that it’s almost 2016 and pick up lines are still a thing? Let that sink in. Somewhere in a bar, a poor girl is being approached by a drunken male with a suave “I got dis” look as he blurts out his best line hoping to get lucky tonight. Approximately every 15 seconds a pick up line is uttered somewhere in the world. I totally made that up, but the point is there’s way too many lame pick up lines, and the worst part is that they aren’t even clever or original. But because I consider myself a charitable person, here’s a handy guide on how to respond to the worst of the worst lines.
1. “Is that a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants.”
Initial thoughts: What the hell? Who even carries a mirror in their pocket? Oh, you can see yourself in my pants? Well, OK. Come on over and get inside. Just kidding, get away from me.
How to respond: “Is that a bruise on your cheek? Because I can see my fist punching you in the face.”
2. “You must be tired from running through my dreams all night.”
Initial thoughts: Gee, thanks. I’m so flattered that you think I look tired. That’s, like, the best compliment ever. I feel so much better about myself now.
How to respond: “You look tired from having used that line so many times without any success.”
3. “If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together.”
Initial thoughts: Yes, because nothing turns a girl on more than discussing the alphabet.
How to respond: “Really? I’d put F and U together. As in f–ck you.”
4. “I’m here, now you can start working on your other two wishes.”
Initial thoughts: OK, if I had three wishes why would I waste a perfectly good wish on you? Especially, when Harry Styles exists. What’s wrong with you?!
How to respond: “My next wish is for you to leave me alone. Forever.”
5. “Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk past you a few more times?”
Initial thoughts: ….stop. This actually makes you sound like a stalker. AKA, not cute at all.
How to respond: “Do you believe in restraining orders?”
6. “I lost my library card. Can I check you out instead?”
Initial thoughts: Wait, since when are books comparable with human beings? I think I must have missed that memo.
How to respond: “Do I look like a book like to you?”
7. “There’s a party in my pants, and you’re invited.”
Initial thoughts: Ew, that line is so 2008. God, what did I do to deserve this?
How to respond: “I just uninvited myself. I’d rather do anything else. Seriously.”
8. “Be different and unique. Just say yes.”
Initial thoughts: Has this guy ever stopped and wondered why exactly girls keep saying no to him? It might be because he uses lines like this.
How to respond: “Sorry, I’m not very original.”
9. “Are you a parking ticket? Because you’ve got fine written all over you.”
Initial thoughts: Don’t punch him in the face. Don’t punch him in the face. Don’t punch him in the face.
How to respond: Just kidding, you should totally punch him in the face.
10. “Are you looking for a stud? Because I’ve got the STD and all I need is U.”
Initial thoughts: Hold up…Did he really just say he had an STD? BRB, throwing myself off a bridge.
How to respond: “Can you and your STD get away from me ASAP?”