After meeting a cutie at the club, your insides flutter with the prospect of a blooming relationship. Exchanging numbers and conversing on the phone used to mean true love in the old days, but now emojis and mixed signals have taken over the relationship realm, confusing the lost single souls. Chick flicks make it seem like great romances grow from friendships, but real life shows that’s not always the case. Instead of spending hours dissecting every text between you and your crush, figure out how to friendzone a guy. Leading someone on never works out for anyone. Look out for these 10 phrases that are clear indicators that you’re in the friend zone.
If you’ve heard these 10 lines, sorry buddy. You’ve been friendzoned.
1. “I value our friendship too much.”
Florida State University freshman Jake Batke said, “Every time I tried to get serious with this girl she would tell me ‘I don’t want to ruin our friendship. We’re better off as friends.'” Sorry to break it to you, but what this really means is that she would probably value you even more if you kept arm-distance at all times. New relationships equal vulnerability, which can be scary. While you might be ready for the next level, your friend would rather keep you right over there in the corner.
2. “I love you, bro.”
Don’t stop reading after that comma because that bro is a game changer. Pet names like “bro” and “dude” are verbal Walls of China clearly defining your relationship as just friends. If he’s referring to you the same way he talks to his basketball buddies, it’s probably because he thinks of you as one. It crushes my heart to say it, but if your friend is incapable of letting meaningful phrases like “I love you” stand alone, then he’s already shipped you across the country with Amazon Prime speed to the friend zone.
3. “Let’s go bra shopping.”
Did I hear that correctly? Florida State University junior Stephanie Shaw said, “I know girls who have taken their guy friends bra shopping with them because they didn’t think of them in a sexual way.” Just because you’re getting closer as friends doesn’t mean that a budding romantic relationship is developing, too. So whether you’re chugging beers together or shopping for lingerie together, don’t be fooled into thinking your friend is ready to take the relationship to the next level.
4. “I wish I could find someone just like you.”
Oh really, you do? Well that’s interesting because there is no one else like me. If you find yourself hearing this phrase, it’s basically a cop-out for someone who likes you in the friend zone and intends to keep you there. Facing the reality of the nature of your friendship is tough, but bumming yourself out over someone else’s loss is useless. Pro tip: Actually put yourself out there and meet new people, and if your friend has secret feelings for you, they might get jealous seeing you with other love interests and un-friendzone you when you least expect it.
5. “You’re like a sibling to me.”
Dating a sibling=incest. Need I say more?
Even though we’re constantly told that decorum and chivalry are a lost art, there are mannerisms that haven’t slipped through the cracks. If you’re trying to impress a possible romantic partner, I seriously doubt you’re going to let them smell last night’s taco bean salad dinner. Next time your friend feels comfortable enough around you to pick a booger, belch or fart, don’t mistake it for a sign of intimacy, accept it as a signal that you’re friend zoned.
7. “I want to explore my options.”
…that are not you. When you eat at the dining hall, you don’t have to decide whether you want pizza, chicken, cereal, grilled cheese, or salad for dinner because you can have a little bit of everything. Having close friends is just the same; you can have friends from different circles ranging from Greek life to cosplay. But when you pick a significant other, you can only choose one option. So if your friend isn’t in the mood for just pizza, you’re out of luck.
8. “You’re too nice for me.”
You hear this and wonder how someone can possibly be too nice. Did you open the door for her too wide? Did you get her home too safely after she drank a little too much at happy hour? Should you have said disrespectful comments about her body to your friends while she was in earshot? Look, it’s not you; it’s her. She’s left you in the friend zone for so long that she can’t even speak sensibly anymore. It’s a lost cause.
9. “Can I bring my friend with me?”
After working up the courage to ask your classmate out to coffee, he asks to phone in a friend. Don’t be fooled; this friend is a buffer. He’s not trying to introduce you to his friends already because he fell in love at first sight, he’s just trying to keep this coffee date platonic. From personal experience, I can attest to the fact that when I’m trying to let a guy know he’s not tickling my fancy, I call in a friend for a special favor to throw me a life vest before I drown in awkwardness.
10. “I’m so happy we’re best friends.”
Best friends is the step before Facebook official, right? WRONG. While there are the lucky few who find the dynamic of How I Met Your Mother‘s Lilypad and Marshmellow, don’t just assume this is how your friendship will unfold. Most people who say this are gritting through their teeth, hoping you will remove the arm you just attempted to place around the waist. Be wary of the best friend declaration, because that’s a red flag that you are once again friend zoned.
Still not sure how to friendzone a guy? Here’s 5 More Lines.
Written by Alia Hakki
11. “You’re going to make someone very happy.”
Spoiler alert: Whoever dishes this line does not want to be that someone. You might want to consider focusing your attention on the hypothetical person that might actually want to be made happy. “It’s pretty very counter-intuitive for a person who likes you to suggest you should be with someone else. I would move on,” said Seattle University sophomore Isabel Cunningham. Bask in the glory of sappy love songs and Ben & Jerry’s binge sessions for a minute, wipe the remnants of Chunky Monkey off of your mouth, and hop back on those dating apps.
12. “I have to *insert bodily function*.”
Farting, burping and pooping secure high positions on the list of no-no’s for potential partners. If your crush alerts you of their impending bathroom trip, immediately cease attempts at their heart. Familiarizing yourself with someone romantically becomes exponentially harder when a fart is thrown in the mix. Their strategic attempt at friend zoning may not sound silent, but it could be deadly.
13. “They are so hot.”
Unless they make talking about you in the third person a strange habit, this line should make your heart throw up a white flag. Raving about another person generally connotes a disinterest in the person standing in front of them. “Girls have pretty much trained themselves not to talk about other guys around guys they are interested in,” said UCLA sophomore Kayla Schroeder. Bottom line: if your friend gushes over another person, they probably want them and not you. You might make a good wingwoman though.
14. “You’re adorable.”
Another word reserved for dogs and babies. A general rule of thumb: comparison to something inhuman or under the age of 18 probably means they do not see you in a romantic context. “At this point, you should probably just pretend you’re gay,” said UCLA sophomore Sam Brogadir.
15. “You should go for them.”
Alright… Here we have another blinking neon sign reading “STOP TRYING.” Handing you off to another person blatantly exudes “not into you” vibes. You are not a football, but your feelings for this person are in double overtime. Your friend can probably sense your lingering crush from the way you stare at her/him while they sleep, and write their name on your binder. Let the hand off happen. After all, the friend zone lies in the murky depths of solitude that few make it out of. You can and will escape it only by vigorously abandoning ship. Hopefully your dignity and sanity will make it out in tact.
Anyone can end up in the friend zone. Here’s 3 signs a guy put you in the friend zone.
He’s in your English class, you’ve seen him on the quad a few times and you know he frequents the same bar as you on Thursday nights. You’ve had a few short conversations, but overall you can’t figure out if he’s interested in you or not. Well, if you start noticing any of these telltale signs it’s time to face the facts: He’s just not that into you.
1. Talking About Classes
When first meeting an eligible guy, most conversation is good conversation. However, when all he wants to talk about is homework and study groups, it’s obvious he has other ideas. If he was really feeling you, he wouldn’t be asking you for study help on the midterm while you’re at the bar.
“If a girl I’m not interested in tries to talk to me, I usually bring up the topic of school and how much work I have to do, and how I shouldn’t even be out right now,” said Joe Belrose, a senior from Northeastern University. “Or I’ll talk about something depressing, like a wake I just attended earlier. I just try to appear as boring as I can and hope she takes the hint.”
2. Have You Seen My Friends?
You and your girlfriends are at a party and you spot him from across the room. He’s filling up his cup and no one else is around; the perfect time to swoop in. But when you approach his eyes immediately dart around the party like a five-year-old looking for his mommy. “Hey you haven’t seen my friends, have you?” is his only salutation. Before you can respond, he’s off in the other direction looking for one of his buddies.
“Whenever I am approached by a girl that I’m not interested in, the first play I make is to find a group of people I know, regardless of how friendly I am with them,” said Brian Hungarter, a law student from Villanova. “It is even better if the girl does not know the group I begin to converse with. There is always safety in numbers, and she will not follow me into a group of people who she has never met.”
3. “The Butt-Out Hug”
This is the deal breaker. It’s time for summer break and you notice him loading up the car. You make your way over to say your goodbyes and hopefully plant the seed for next semester. But when you go in for the hug, he pulls the “butt-out hug.” With one incredibly awkward and simple motion, he’s informed you that getting intimate just isn’t an option. Instead of coming in for the real thing, he’s left two feet of air between you.
“I do the butt-out hug with two groups of people: girls I am not romantically interested in and elderly family members who I don’t really know,” said Adam Teller*, a law student from Seton Hall.
You may not have won over the hunk you’ve had your eye on, but in the end, does that one guy really matter? Remember, this is college. There are plenty more guys with sideways Polo hats and pastel-colored Lacoste shirts just waiting to sweep you off your feet.
Not sure how to move past the rejection phase? Check out these tips to move past the harsh slam in the face that is the friendzone.
Written by: Manuela Uscher
Everyone has experienced the friendzone. Rejection forms a major part of life. However, the way you handle it and the way you react to it essentially defines you. Plus, we all want to act unphased by the person that puts us in the friendzone, but it’s so much harder than it seems.
1. Acknowledge the rejection
With seven billion people on this Earth, so many people can relate to feeling rejected. To heal, let yourself cry about it for a few days, feel all the emotions, even eat a tub of ice cream and eventually move on. Take rejection as a sign that you put yourself out there and lived life to the fullest. You possess the courage to take risks and make bold decisions. However, rejection obviously isn’t the best feeling. “Go back and reread your conversations to better understand their perception on the situation,” University of Florida freshman Sofia Cardamone said. Acknowledge it, feel it and move on with it.
2. Don’t dwell on the rejection
After accepting the rejection, make a point to not dwell on it for too long. You may think that not dwelling on it can be easier said than done. But it has proven to be somewhat easy as long as you know that you control the way you feel. “Who cares if one person doesn’t like you, in a short time you’ll meet someone else who does and then you will forget that other person ever existed,” University of Florida freshman Elizabeth Kenyon said. After all, you don’t want to be that clingy.
3. Meet new people or hang out with old friends
The go-to option after being put in the friendzone would be going out with your girls and having the best time. Whether to a movie, or dinner or to a party, the second you let yourself have fun with the people who do want to be with you, you will forget about the one person who does not matter. In college, there are so many opportunities for you to meet a fling you can bounce back from or even the love of your life.
*Name changed to protect privacy.
**Updated on March 6, 2018 to include list items 11–15 by Alia Hakki.
**Updated March 6, 2018 to include “3 Ways to Know He’s Just Not That Into You.”
*Updated on April 1, 2019 to include Three Tips to Get Over Rejection by Manuela Uscher.