Even Seniors Agree: Not Every College Party is Project X

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While academia is the main purpose of attending a university, there is an unspoken rule that during college, partying is absolutely necessary. While exhilarating, freeing and fun, college parties are also, dare I say, overrated. Read as University of Wisconsin-Madison seniors divulge some party wisdom they have acquired since their very first weekend in Madtown.

1. Parties Get Old

“The first two months of my freshman year I was drunk more than I was sober. I don’t regret it. But after a while I realized the same thing happens every weekend, so I knew I wasn’t missing out by staying in for a weekend.” During the first few months of freshman year, you are quite literally drunk on freedom. However, as time passes and the weekends of binge drinking, hooking up and eating fast food drunk start to stack up, partying all weekend suddenly sounds extremely unappealing.

2. Parties Get Expensive

“I’ve done some things in college that I’m not entirely proud of but I think drinking beer eleven months past its expiration date freshman year might take the award for most desperate.” Going out and drinking every weekend is expensive, and unless you are willing to accept a drink from a guy who is going to follow you around all night and “subtly” try to dry hump you, you will pay for your own.

3. Parties Get Sloppy

“I had a friend who got arrested for disorderly conduct freshman year. As she’s getting handcuffed, she keeps telling the cop how she can’t go to jail because she has a 4.0 at Madison.” You can never judge the drunk idiot at the party because at some point, you were that same drunk idiot. There is nothing more humbling than waking up with last night’s Lean Cuisine stuck in your hair after throwing it up. Sometimes sloppy nights make for unforgettable stories with friends. However, bad things happen when you over-drink: detox, stitches and jail.

4. Parties Get Pointless

“Waiting in line is the worst. Either get to the party early or buy enough wine to last you the night at home because waiting in line for 30 minutes f—cking sucks.” Does anything kill a buzz more than sitting outside in a tank top and heels in the middle of February waiting for the bouncer to decide you’re worthy to be let in? Not only are the girls behind you loudly gossiping but you are also on the verge of cutting through your shirt because you’re nipping so hard.

5. Parties Get Creepy

“I think the worst method I tried to turn down a guy was telling him my friend and I were lesbians. He then asked if we’d be interested in a threesome. Really?” The unfortunate thing about college parties is that there will always be that guy who can’t take a hint. His odd translation of “no, please go away” into “yes, please keep following me” will ruin any night out with the girls.

6. Parties Get Crowded

“I’m not exaggerating when I say that a crowded party is like a drunk version of The Hunger Games.” An overcrowded party makes for an insanely stressful, uncomfortable night out. Everyone jostles for a position, common decency goes out the window and the kegger turns into a mosh pit where only the strongest and the drunkest survive.

7. Parties Get Dramatic

“I once saw a girl walking home at 2 a.m. with tears streaming down her face, taking bites of a Jimmy John’s sub in between her sobs.” Sometimes people have bad days and drink alcohol; other times people drink alcohol and end up having a bad day. There is always a chance that someone you drink with will cry, fight someone or disappear completely.

8. Parties Get Busted

There is nothing more terrifying an underage drinker can overhear at a party than “the cops are here.” Commence the music being cut off, people shushing each other to be quiet and you trying to figure out how you can drop your BAC back to zero in the next five minutes. “There is nothing worse than getting a drinking ticket. I’m not saying don’t drink underage but make damn sure you don’t get caught. Party on.”

Wisconsin native; Senior at the University of Wisconsin-Madison studying Film TV & Radio and Spanish. Yes I love beer and cheese.

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