Call it The Most Wonderful Time of the Year. Call it the national signal for panic incurred by the realization that you’re halfway through the semester and still don’t have a summer internship. Call it whatever you want, but spring break is here. The week stereotyped as one of no ragrets or consideration for social decency comes with its fair share of personalities you should get prepared to encounter, no matter where you end up going.
The Frat Bro
Easily identified by his American flag swimsuit and the PBR that becomes a permanent extension of his hand by day two, the Frat Bro is instantly recognizable. If not, you’ll also probably hear him before you see him, either because he’s carrying a boombox or because the word “discretion” never entered into his personal dictionary. Commonly found in Florida during this time of year, the Frat Bro travels in packs, because the only thing worse than leaving your beer behind is leaving a pledge brother behind.
The Girl Scout
You’re unsure why, but your mother probably sent the Girl Scout to your spring break destination in an effort to ensure that you’re wearing sunscreen and haven’t forgotten your vitamins. This person definitely read the travel guide to Palm Beach and probably has WebMD as their home page. The good news: you’ll never be without Advil. The bad news is you’ll be on the receiving end of a lecture about how alcohol is the devil’s beverage and you should be indulging in more wholesome activities during your week off, like checking out the Palm Beach Maritime Museum. By the time you leave your trip, you will know everything there is to know about every topic pertaining to spring break. Curious about the history of the Pina Colada? No? Too bad.
The Unwilling Participant
This person came to your spring break trip for one of two reasons: an incurable sense of FOMO, or your group found a Groupon deal for a week-long stay at an all-inclusive resort in Cancun and needed a 12th person to meet the requirements. The unwilling participant will let you know that she is just that by never leaving the hotel room and spending more time Instagramming the beach than actually laying on it.
Buddy the Elf
Similar to Buddy, nothing –and I do mean nothing– fazes this person. Food poisoning from eating bad chips and guac? An opportunity to try different local foods! Three days straight of rain? An excellent time to brush up on literature! Lost their phone and wallet at one of those sketchy beach clubs? What a great learning experience! This person is great to travel with because you could propose literally anything and they’d be down to do it. Spring break could consist of getting stuck in a small hostel in the middle of a monsoon with the only entertainment coming from NPR on a semi-broken radio, and this person would still describe it as the best week of their life.
The Netflix Enthusiast
The only place you will encounter this person is at the supermarket while you stock up on ramen and Easy Mac for the week as they buy frozen pizza rolls in their sweatpants. The rest of the time you will be reminded of their existence by the Snapchats of their cat and tweets about finishing all seven seasons of Gilmore Girls. While at first you may mock the Netflix enthusiast, by your fifth consecutive day of eating ramen hungover you will probably be wishing you had seen the light earlier and taken their wise path.