10 Reasons We Don’t Want to Go Back to College

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I know someone who wore the same outfit four days in a row. Why? Because college is the only place where being poor and unhygienic doesn’t matter. No one deserves crippling debt or deprivation from home cooked meals. But, alas, college students around the country know the exact feeling.

1. Help me, I’m Poor

Shoutout to those people paying that out-of-state tuition. You go, Glen Coco. You look for loose change in your couch to try and afford Chipotle for dinner. After finding enough for the burrito, you still want that guac. We know it’s extra, but why, why is it extra? “When I’m at home, my parents are always giving me money to pay for gas, go out to dinner or go shopping with. Once I go back to college, it’s back to me paying for everything by myself! Adulthood is hard,” University of Missouri sophomore Maddie Douglass said.

2. Expensive AF Textbooks

I get we all need textbooks, but you know those classes where you only use the textbook for that one paragraph on page 64? Why does it gotta cost $450? I’m talking to you, women and gender studies professor.

3. Ramen Noodles and Stale Cheetos

You feasted on Christmas with the family, but once you’re back at college it will only be a fond memory. While you’re chowing down on the ramen noodles, just daydream about those amazing meals your mom made over break. “I’ve gotten so fat because I haven’t been eating good food,” Moberly College sophomore Max Yeagle said. The best kind of problem.

4. No Mom to take care of all your probs

Speaking of your mom, you won’t be seeing her and the rest of your family everyday anymore. Instead, you’ll be in office hours begging professors who don’t know your name for higher grades and extra credit. Why doesn’t your prof think you’re as special as your parents do? “The worst thing about college is not having my mom their to give me an instant confidence boost and make all of my doctor appointments,” said University of Michigan senior Emily Gaffon.

5. Exams that haunt your nightmares

Oh my gosh, thinking about college brings back the painful flashbacks of finals week. The exams, the studying, the late nights in the library. Not a fan. While you study for the first exam of the semester, try to think back to winter break. Think back to that life of luxury of sleeping, eating and catching up on your Netflix.

6. The stress that gives you premature wrinkles

The projects, the homework, the tests. A combination of the three cause an obscene intake of caffeine and high stress levels. No more laying around the house doing nothing. Goodbye bed, I’ll miss you.

7. Lectures and professors with monotonous voices

Get ready those lectures that you have to sit through everyday of the week.  Even though some lectures only last about 50 minutes, it feels like centuries. You walk out of the hall with grey hair and a walker.

8. Less time with Michael Scott and Leslie Knope

More time at college, more time studying, more time in class: all of this means no more Netflix. No more re-watching Jim prank Dwight on The Office or obsessing about Olivia Pope on Scandal. Go hit the books. “I will miss binge watching The Office and Friends over break with no tests to study for,” Mizzou sophomore Sarah Tinnin said.

9. No more sleeping in until 1 P.M.

All of that lovely time spent in bed recovering from finals week was really just gearing you up for second semester. When you head back to college, a normal night of sleep will be difficult to attain. Between the studying astrophysics, mental breakdowns and Thursday nights at the local bar, where can you find the time?

10. Back to trying to adult

When you’re home, your parents basically let you do you and take care of you. But when you head back to college, say goodbye to that special treatment. Prepare to be all on your own, out in the college wilderness. “It’s always such a culture shock coming back from winter break. I completely forget how to do basic things like buying groceries and dealing with landlords,” said UM senior Will Chaney.

I'm a sophomore majoring in Journalism at the University of Missouri. I survive on good coffee and broadway showtunes.

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