We let our best friends know when they’re winning and when they should just let things go (cue Frozen). But when they have a hot piece of ass on their arm that you’d rather have for yourself, is it right to go after them? In most college relationships, that stud will become a dud, and when they break it off with your friend, that means they’re on the market for you. As a best friend, you have a moral obligation to support each other. They may have only reached the two-week mark according to Facebook, but will you still be a terrible friend if you slide in the DM post-breakup? These college students weigh in on the timeless debate.
Majority Still Rules: Probably Not
“It’s just a shi**y thing to do,” University of Michigan senior Anne Canavati said.
In a sea full of fanciful fish, why risk catching the few fish that have a ton of holes in them? Would you walk past a “Do Not Enter” sign warning you of a vicious dog and expect the dog not to bite you? Of course you wouldn’t.
“Maybe after a few years, but even still it depends on how serious the relationship was between your best friend and their ex,” University of Michigan sophomore Soledad Martinez said.
While one person’s trash might be another person’s treasure, it’s important to remember that treasure isn’t always made of gold. They did break up for a reason, right? And just because they’re no longer an item doesn’t mean their feelings magically disappeared.
“When you’re in a relationship with someone and if you love them, then that love is always going to be there. Even though it’s not technically cheating, your best friend probably still has some feelings for their ex,” University of Michigan junior Kevin Yanos said.
Sometimes you have to bite the bullet and accept the fact that, no, you can never tap that.
It Shouldn’t Be About You
Honestly, I don’t think you wanting to hook-up with your best friend’s ex should be about your own personal desires. Shocking, I know. It relates more to your friend than you think. A hook-up has about 10 seconds of real bliss. What your friend had with them probably entailed more than that.
“It depends on your relationship with your friend; how long ago did they break up, and what your friend would think if they found out,” University of Michigan junior Emily Batdorf said.
Empathy goes a long way, and stopping to consider a friend’s feelings should matter way more than hopping in the sack for a good time. The biggest question remains: how much would this hook-up cost you?
Ask for the Greenlight
If you can’t restrain yourself from jumping between the sheets, then maybe you should just come clean and ask for your friend’s permission. Of course, this conversation will always feel awkward. You’re basically saying, “Hey, I want to screw your ex. How do you feel about that?” But better to remain uncomfortable for a few minutes than shady for a whole semester.
You might not get a greenlight right away, though. You might get a yellow light. Yellow doesn’t mean stop, just proceed with caution. However, try to not be that thirsty Twitter follower who constantly attempts to slide into the DM’s if they don’t answer within the first twenty-four hours. Give it time.
So, if you’re feeling your best friend’s ex, don’t condemn yourself to hell over it. We witnessed it enough in movies, so it has to be a real thing, right? Just always remain sensitive to your friend throughout this whole situation. You know your friend best. You may have received the green light, but could they really be thinking, “I don’t want to seem like I still care, so I’ll say go ahead but secretly be sad about it later?” Consider this the most logical explanation.