It’s inevitable. There will be a point during your four years in college when you’re going to feel stressed. Literally weighed down by it, from that philosophy class with too much reading, to your roommate who refuses to take out the trash, to that super cute classmate sending you mixed signals, to the club that’s devouring more of your time than any academic course. Obviously, it’s easy to feel stressed in college, but fortunately, you don’t have to be crushed by it.
Overthink everything
Overthinking tends to paralyze you with self-doubt, but if you don’t overthink every little detail, it’s possible you could miss something. Spending hours a day pouring over your problems could eventually lead you to a solution, even though it hasn’t any other time before.
Skip bathing
For weeks. Instead, use this valuable time to worry even more about everything you have to do. They say that hot showers or baths can be relaxing, but when you’re stressed, you don’t have time for hygiene or leisure, dammit!
Stop doing your homework
Just don’t do it. That will save some time, right?
Eliminate any and all stress from your life
The only way to feel better is if you eliminate literally all of the stresses from your life. Just cut them all out. Rent due? Ignore it. A rigorous week of schoolwork coming up? Drop those classes. It doesn’t matter that the right amount of stress can actually motivate you to do well and improve. If you’re stressed at all, just don’t be.
Add a few more commitments
College students like to schedule their lives down to the minute, so you should too! When you feel like you’re doing too many things, why not add a few more? Everything will calm down eventually, and you don’t need to be too well rested.
Drink buckets of coffee
Seriously, go out and buy a five-gallon bucket from your local Home Depot and add your own personal flair with tons of stickers from those 25 new clubs you just joined. Caffeine technically adds to stress and gives you the jitters, but at least it helps you stay up to do all the work that you’ve been worrying about.
Constantly pull all nighters
Sleep is revitalizing, but it’s also eight hours of your life. You could be working during this time. If you cut out sleep altogether, you can use that time to do work or think about everything you still have to do, despite the unhealthy physical and emotional side effects. You can sleep when (if) you graduate.
Bask in your unproductivity
They say that exercise gives you endorphins, which are supposed to make you happy, but who are we kidding? We can’t all be Michael Phelps. So instead, just lie around all day and exalt in your inefficiency.
Drink away your sorrows
Take off a weekend night from your work and your problems and go to a party or a bar. But don’t just unwind gracefully. Drink plenty before you go and drink even more while you’re out. You might even… forget your troubles for a while.
Let your dorm room fall to pieces
If you feel like your life is falling apart, why shouldn’t your dorm follow suit? When you’re stressed, it’s basically your right to neglect all household chores like cleaning your pots and pans and taking out the trash. Stop vacuuming while you’re at it. That way, guests and visitors will be fully aware of your mental state.
Let your life fall to pieces
Don’t just stop at your dorm room. Just sit back and watch every other aspect of your life fall apart. It’ll be just like watching a movie. And, chances are, it’ll be a lot easier to let your life fall to shambles than to try to sort things out and piece them together again.
CM’s Guide to the Geology Major
