These Four Years Feel Like a Lifetime

Hey, girl. What’s up? It’s me, Kaleigh, just circling back because I feel we haven’t chatted in a while. It really doesn’t help that you didn’t write down a single thing in your journal for the whole first semester of college. Really stupid move, Kale. I thought we raised you better than that.

But it’s okay. You have a really great best friend who took charge of our collective memories a long time ago. It’s not all lost.

I know, I look different. Thank goodness, I feel different too. I’ve left our exclusively skin-tight light pink and blue wardrobe behind and turned to mostly red, maybe-not-always-super-flattering clothing. It seems crazy I know, but we both know you only wear skin tight clothes all the time so you can feel contained and in control.

We’re not doing that anymore. We’re still trying our best to internalize that being pretty isn’t the price women should have to pay to occupy space. But don’t panic. We still rock a crop top. We haven’t totally forgotten where we came from.

I know you’re worried that life is slipping past you too quickly. That you’ve grown up so fast and without your permission. That you’ve fallen behind and won’t ever get a chance to catch up.

I’m happy to report that these four years feel like a lifetime. In a good way. You and I are not the same. Every year has been dense and intricately lived, even if you have a bad habit of forgetting those details that feel monumental at that time.

You’ll forget to remember that it’s the beautiful wash of blurred moments that add up to a well-lived life.

You’ll travel across the world and back by yourself. You’ll direct your best friend’s musical. And then you’ll do it again.

You’re a writer now. I do question how much that career choice came from Gilmore Girls, but whatever. I like it. And I’m not too bad at it.

We’re still acting, and we’re finally able to do more film work. I know you were super worried that you no longer loved it. That you had run your course or weren’t good enough to really do it.

You’ll get this ache that will hit you in the stomach sometime around December 2017. This ache pulls at you without release. Sometimes it makes you cry. You’ll want to act so badly. You’ll want to act at that highest level right now. So why can’t you?

You need to learn and practice a lot first. It might not always work out. I’m sorry you won’t be all that you want to be as quickly as you crave.

That girl you want to be exists, but her form is constantly shifting. One day we’ll breathe deep and slip into her skin and finally remember.

One more thing. I know saying goodbye to your parents in your dorm room will always be one of your flashbulb memories. It sucks, and you embarrassingly never get better at saying goodbye. But you’re not done being their child, and nothing changes so fundamentally like you think it will.

Life moves quickly, but not nearly as quickly as you think.

Each day is a chance to do something new, something scary and something lovely.

You already suspect this, but the girl across the hall will stick around for a while. She’ll be your lifelong best friend, despite what people say that your freshman friends fall away as the years go by. Don’t be afraid to share too much too fast in the dining hall. You’ll be smarter, funnier, more thoughtful and better for it.

And it doesn’t stop with her. If college friends really are the friends that stick around like they do in the movies, you’ve really gotten a good bunch. Keep picking up friends along the way in everything you do.

You’ll finally have that moment in your living room when you look around and feel like you’re in New Girl. Your best friends are best friends, and everything makes sense when they’re here.

Sometimes this whole thing is going to suck. Don’t worry. You only have to do this once.

So do it fully and do it the way you want. Nothing else really matters.

Let’s hangout sometime,

Kaleigh