Boys Like Crop Tops and Short Skirts, Captain Obvious Reports

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Women’s magazines love to tell us how to style our hair, choose our clothes and even shave our pubic hair because they claim to know what men want. When I see the umpteenth article of this ilk, I can’t help but roll my eyes and think to myself, “who actually cares about this?”

Now, I could ride my feminist high horse to Timbuktu shouting about how women shouldn’t care, but the fact is that some of us do. We’re curious, and regardless of our feminist ideologies, we want to know. Before we take these often ridiculous suggestions as gospel, it’s important to recognize that not all men are the same. There isn’t one article of clothing that every guy agrees he likes.

1. Crop Tops

“I like those short shirts that show their bellies. What are those called again?”

—University of Maryland, Sophomore, Business

2. Mini Skirts

“I like when they wear [crop tops] with short skirts.”

—Washington College, Junior, Political Science

Clarification: When I asked high-waisted or low rise, one guy said, “depends on what you got.” He wasn’t referring to what you had in your closet. Other guys said short-shorts, but clarified that they didn’t like high-waisted shorts because “they’re gross.”

3. Stilettos

“I really like high heels. But not those ones that look like big blocks of wood, I like the pointy ones.”

—Towson University, Freshman, Undeclared

Clarification: In boy speak, “big blocks of wood” is code for wedges (many women prefer wedges because they offer the compromise of a high-heeled shoe with more stability).

Slight Issue: He added:“I don’t like when they’re stumbling around or have a hard time walking in heels, though.” His friends nodded earnestly in agreement. Just so we’re all on the same page, the guys I interviewed don’t like the shoes that make it easier for girls to walk, but they also don’t like when girls face more difficulty walking because they’re balancing on chopsticks. It’s hard for me to be mad about this one, though, because I’m sure boys have no idea how much harder it is to walk in stilettos versus wedges. Ignorance is bliss, I’m sure. This problem could easily be solved if all boys were forced to spend a day walking in my shoes (literally). I wouldn’t suggest that, though; I’m not a sadist.

4. Sundresses

“They remind me of summer.”

—Montgomery College, Sophomore, Biology

“They’re one of those things that looks good on everyone.”

—University of Maryland, Junior, Civil Engineering

5. Cowboy Vests

“My ex used to wear these cool fringed cowboy vests, and it was pretty weird, but she was super confident so it just worked. But to be honest, I’ve never seen a girl get turned down by a guy because of what she was wearing.”

—University of Maryland, Sophomore, Anthropology

Guys have their opinions about what you wear, but as cowboy vest guy says, confidence is sexier than whatever you might be wearing. Confidence comes from feeling comfortable, so wear what you want. Besides, if a guy tells you he likes you to wear skimpy outfits and that makes you feel uncomfortable, why would you want to dress up for him in the first place?

*Names were withheld to protect privacy.

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Hannah is a junior English and Film Studies major at the University of Maryland College Park. She loves wrapping presents, studying Wumbology, watching Mad Men with her King Charles Spaniel, Belle, collecting foam fingers, and referencing Spongebob mostly to see who notices.

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