8 Reasons Not to Join a Sorority Unless You’re Basic

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All Greek life is Greek to me. I don’t understand sororities. I’m not quite sure what pledging actually means. I understand there’s a sense of comradery and involvement within the Greek community, but looking at the pros and cons, can we really say joining a sorority is a good idea? Of course after watching Sorority Row, who could blame me for thinking all sorority girls are murderous and bloodthirsty? Besides my theory that sororities are purely out for blood, here are eight reasons why you shouldn’t join one.

1. Only So Much Time in the Day

If you join a sorority say goodbye to a social life, or at least any social life outside of the sorority. With all the volunteer work, meetings, parties and other shenanigans sororities are involved with, there really isn’t any time to expose yourself to things outside of Greek life. Your life will now be consumed with making glitter signs and raising money.

2. Surrounded by the X Chromosome

I don’t know if you can handle being surrounded by girls all day, but I sure can’t. You deal with hormones, emotions, and eventually your periods will sync up. It’ll be like the end scene from Carrie, except with less supernatural powers and more blood. I could hardly handle one female roommate, much less 20 other women in one house.

3. We’ve Got Spirit, Yes We Do?

I swear if enthusiasm and upbeat attitudes produced carbon monoxide, sororities would be responsible for the eventual heat death of Earth. Are you ever allowed to frown if you join a sorority? For me it hurts to smile after 3 minutes, much less be responsible for a cheery disposition 24/7. A sorority may be a social club, but it seems as though it only caters to the socially sanguine.

4. She Wears Short Skirts, I Wear Sneakers

When is the last time you saw a sorority girl going out at night wearing anything but high heels? Unless you provide concrete scientific evidence that heels make your butt look better, you won’t catch me in anything other than combat boots. With heels higher than their GPAs, some of these girls would resemble drag queens–if they had gaudier lipstick and bigger hair, that is.

5. Party with the Boys

Partying at a fraternity may be someone’s idea of a good time, but it certainly isn’t for me. The floor is sticky with what I’m praying is just beer and I can’t help but feel like I’m being eyed up like a T-bone steak. Your sorority sister is puking in the bathroom and you have your red cup in a death grip for fear of what might be dropped in it. Rape is 300% more likely to happen in a fraternity—NOT my idea of a fun time.

6. Don’t Drink the Kool-Aid

Okay, so you won’t be joining a literal cult when you pledge a sorority. But with all the weird 100-year-old traditions, you can’t help but feel like there’s something sinister to pledging your allegiance to mottos written in Latin. I may have never pledged, but I imagine it’s similar to the cult scenes in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. But instead of saying “Kali Ma” multiple times it goes more like “Kappa Tau, Kappa Tau, Kappa Tau.”

7. Dollar, Dollar Bills

Sororities don’t tell you how costly it is to go Greek right away. There are dues and fundraising, and some sororities even require a different outfit every night of pledge week. I barely have enough money at the end of the week to pay for rent and buy cheap malt liquor, much less drop $40 on a new dress. Not everyone that wants to join a sorority comes from money, but it wouldn’t hurt to help with the costs.

8. Fighting a Stereotype

You can be in the most intellectual, charitable and hard-working sorority, but it will always come with the stigma that people associate with sororities. Let’s stereotype for just a minute. You know the ones who wear yoga pants, Uggs and are never seen without Starbucks? Point blank: sororities are teeming with basic bitches. This whole article is a testament to the stereotype of the sorority girl. Being in a sorority means you just have to prove the haters wrong.

If you still decide to rush Greek Life, you’ll need big little gifts.

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