The 10 Kids You See at Strozier Library

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With finals quickly approaching, everybody’s favorite FSU library, “Club Stroz,” gets more packed as the weeks go by. As you swipe in and prepare for the long haul to “edumacate” yourself, you look over the vast savanna of computers and begin to notice certain types of people that take the air out of the room. They took the perfect table to…eat Chick-fil-A? OK, just go up the stairs to get your other favorite table…where someone is sleeping. We’ve all experienced this frustration at Strozier Library and will continue to, until we leave this brick-filled utopia that we call Florida State University.

Get ready to meet some interesting characters while (trying to) study at Strozier Library.

1. The Camper

Grab a tent and supplies to make s’mores because we’re going to spend some time in the wilderness of Strozier Library. At least, that’s what a camper’s mentality is like. Wearing a comfy T-shirt and sweats, the campers surround themselves with a great wall of venti mocha lattes. They won’t release their table for anything, even if means skipping the review session. Don’t even bother trying to reason with the campers; they’re going to be there for a long time. Best to take the winding staircase to the next floor and hope for the best.

2. The Bros

Bros go into the library stressed and determined to study, but give it 15 minutes and they’re yelling, laughing and watching 25 cat videos on Youtube. “Being a part of the bros is all fun and games until you get home and realize you haven’t even started studying,” said sophomore Peter-Paul Grootens. They hold a table for hours on end–doing nothing–while serious students get stuck studying astrophysics on the floor next to the bathroom. They head back to Heritage Grove with nothing accomplished and a chip on their shoulders. You may take the bro out of the party, but you’ll never take the party out of the bro.

3. The Study Room Felon

The study room felons invade precious rented space that someone reserved over a month ago. They cramp too many people into the rooms on the third floor, and look completely confused when you open the door to claim your territory. Prepare to waste the next 30 minutes of valuable study time arguing with this resilient library breed. “I can’t stand [the study room felons], they make me feel rushed and angry,” said junior Megan Konen. After finally winning the battle of the reserved study room, don’t think the fight is over. The moment the room empties, they’ll return and steal it.

4. The Netflixer

The Netflixer studies for about an hour, and then takes a break to watch an episode of Friends, which turns into finishing an entire season. While you waste valuable time waiting, they’re throwing away an entire table to see if Chandler and Monica actually get married. If you do decide to confront the Netflixer rather than just look for another spot, prepare for the tongue lashing of your life. “I have totally felt personally victimized by The Netflixer. The Wi-Fi at [Strozier Library] isn’t even that good,” said sophomore Troy Wisneski. You’re better off taking your losses, going home and watching the third season of OITNB.

5. The Hungry Howie

An aroma of pure bliss sweeps beneath your nose. You turn around only to see that the foodie behind you has got it all: crispy French fries and a luscious eight-ounce burger topped miles high with cheese, crisp lettuce, red tomatoes and sizzling bacon. It’s hard to pretend he’s not there when you hear him rip open a bag of Cheetos, but you can resist hunger. Crunch. Believe in your-Crunch. You scream in agony as you collect your belongings and run as fast as possible to Chubby’s or Guthries. Stay as far away as possible from the Hungry Howie, unless you want your stomach to rumble all night long.

6. The Pill Popper

Nobody likes to talk about these people. They hide in the shadows in the back of the first floor Starbucks as they swallow illegally purchased pills to help maintain their focus. “There’s a lot of pressure in college to join in on this new fad, but it’s totally not worth the risk,” said junior Kenneth Carril. In the end, you don’t want to be categorized in this group. The joy on your face when you earn a B+ on your final from actually trying will feel a lot better than taking pills while studying to get a 104 percent–and an expulsion to boot.

7. The Zombie

The zombies stay awake and forget to eat for days. Their internal organs stopped working three days ago, but at least they know what Triethylene Glycol is. “It gets to a point where only your study partner and yourself actually understand what you’re talking about. Everyone else just looks at you like you’re insane,” said junior Ian Maltz. They wander the empty book aisles, trying to find their way to the stairs. Guide them to the exit, get them coffee and recommend a blood transfusion.

8. The Person Who Rents Books

“Wait…people actually rent books from Stroz?” asked junior Manuel Garaboa. This endangered species hasn’t gotten the memo that the endless labyrinth of books is there for show. Why waste hours of your time when you can simply just log on to a computer and find your answer in minutes? Just group these people with the Loch Ness Monster and Bigfoot and move on.

9. The Coffee Commando

Steer clear of the coffee commando. She’s on a mission to learn everything for a test in the morning, even if it means taking you down. They are masters of their craft and already know what they’re going to order hours before they head over to the first floor. The hour-long line doesn’t even make them bat an eyelash. They need more than the free finals week coffee mumbo jumbo to keep them awake. “I recently had this experience where my heart was pounding like crazy, but I was still tired,” said sophomore Scarlett Dunkley. No, the coffee commando needs a venti double-shot espresso as black as the night sky.

10. The Einstein

This genius walks into Strozier Library without a worry in the world. He answers all the study guide questions with ease. Although, he’s a friend, the blood inside you boils watching him fluently speak organic chemistry while you struggle to remember your name. Don’t let this genius bring you down, though. You’re a smart kid that worked hard to get in to this school and aren’t prepared to just give it all up at the very end. “They may make you feel dumb, but they’re the best weapon in your studying arsenal,” said sophomore Richard Childress. In other words, don’t let the Einstein leave until he teaches you everything.

Honestly, just go to Dirac Library.

Look cute studying at Strozier Library in one of these tees.

hipster lion tshirtmew yorker tshirt

5 More Kids to Expect in Strozier Library Come Midterms

Written by Chris Joseph.

11. The Sandman

strozier library tired

Valerie Siu

These students use their keyboards and textbooks as their own personal pillows. You will recognize these near-comatose students by their open notes and their downed heads as they try to regain the hours of sleep lost to their insatiable need to keep their 4.0 GPA. Students who you find in deep sleep may even begin to snore. “During finals week, I probably slept at my Strozier computer more than I did in my actual bed,” said junior Claudio Williams. Any decent student would best not disturb these individuals. Let them rest in peace and leave them to their dreams of better study habits. With that being said, never feel afraid to take a chair or two from their table while they sleep. It’s a dog-eat-dog world at Strozier in terms of study space, and you shouldn’t let someone else’s sleep deprivation inhibit your study group’s effectiveness.

12. The Climate Apathetic

cold strozier library

The Shining

Okay, so you won’t see them inside Strozier Library, but you can’t miss them as you enter the building. Noticeable primarily during the winter months, these students seem perfectly content surfing the web and studying on the outside tables in front of Strozier while you, wearing your thick coat and beanie, rush to escape the near freezing temperatures of the outside and embrace the sweet warmth that the library provides. And as you settle down and warm yourself with your fresh Starbucks coffee, you wonder how any self-respecting Floridian can even function in thirty-degree weather, let alone study in it. You expect to see their frozen remains as you leave the building. But instead, you see them calmly continuing their study session while you struggle to avoid hypothermia on your way back to your car or dorm.

13. The Studious Deaf

It will be fairly easy to identify these types of students. If you come within a 15-foot radius of them, you will hear whatever study anthem they have chosen for today coming from their headphones. You will turn to see if their music is projecting from some type of external speaker, but will only notice an otherwise average student wearing headphones. While music that loud would normally deafen you or any other student with functional ears, this Studious Deaf will calmly work while the auditory intensity of a Motörhead concert plays from his headphones.

14. The Last Supper

snacks strozier library

giphy.com

If The Hungry Howie frustrates your already empty stomach, then these students will make you want to vacate Strozier Library immediately. Imagine five or six of these Hungry Howies gathered around a table in the middle of the first floor of Stroz, all with different delicacies from different establishments. Their table becomes so increasingly filled with food that you do not even see their study materials. It looks as if a pot luck dinner is occurring in the middle of a room of stressed and hungry college kids. They infect the library with the succulent smells of greasy take-out, while also filling it with a collective feeling of silent envy from you and your peers. Jerks!

15. Hacker Man

A rare sighting for sure, but occasionally you will see a student working in Strozier who looks like he would be more at home in a dark room assisting Kim Possible than on a college campus. This individual will simultaneously work from a library computer, his personal laptop, a tablet of some sort, his phone and possibly other technologies. You don’t know what he is doing or whether or not it even pertains to school, but you admit that this person’s technical proficiency ranges far greater than your own. He could be hacking the mainframe or just intensely studying for his philosophy final. Either way, all you can do is marvel at his technological excessiveness as you finish your paper from a single screen on your laptop.

Tired of all these characters? Check out 5 Quiet Places to Study in Strozier Library

Written by Chris Joseph.

1. Instruction Room 107 A

No one can blame you for overlooking this godsend of peaceful and tranquil studying. During the day, the room located towards the back of Strozier Library’s first floor often remains closed off from the general public and reserved for scheduled classes. However, if you find yourself studying in the evening, you can find no better place to shut yourself off from the cacophony that envelops the first floor of Stroz and get some effective studying done. This room even comes equipped with some snazzy high chairs for a fair amount of its computers. You can even look at (and not hear) the boisterous students through the large and aesthetically pleasing glass pane window that separates you from those ignorant to this room’s solace.

2. The Corner Behind Instruction Room 107 A

If you stroll past the large glass pane window of Instruction room 107A on the first floor, you’ll notice a small area that fits an individual student or small study group perfectly. “[This space is] the first place I check when I come to Strozier to study,” junior Enan Burell said. The area contains a single table, a couch and a stack of chairs to fit however many friends accompany you. It even sits right next to an emergency exit in case a fire breaks out. Honestly, there is no reason why you shouldn’t make this your first stop when looking for a quiet place to work.

3. The Basement/Lower Level

It baffles me that more people do not take advantage of Strozier Library’s lower level as a consistent place to work. The beauty of the bottom floor is that silence is not only preferred, but enforced. You will find no loud bros or obnoxious freshmen here. The silence will make you afraid to even drop your pen on the ground because the noise will echo throughout the entire floor. The floor also comes equipped with a computer lab for any tech-based studying and even has its own snack and drink machine if you get the study munchies. This is an ideal place for you to get some quality studying done. Just don’t expect to take a study group down with you.

4. The 4th and 5th Floors

Perhaps people’s laziness prevents them from ascending that extra flight or two of stairs, but for some inexplicable reason, the top two floors of Strozier always look like a ghost town. This is a bit strange given that, according to the floor level signs, their sole purpose serves as a quiet studying area for students. They even have the same type of study rooms that the second and third floors have, but still, no one usually goes up there. “I’ve never been up there in my life, I honestly don’t even know how to get there,” said junior Javan Crosdale. Don’t feel afraid to capitalize off of everyone else’s ignorance (or unwillingness to climb an extra flight of stairs). This floor will provide you with a solid and quiet place to get some good studying in. And if you look out the window, it even comes with a view.

5. In Between Bookshelves

This place truly functions as a last resort. If Strozier Library finds itself way too packed or loud for your liking, you could always find a spot in the maze of bookshelves that make up the majority of the upper floors and set up your study station there. Just find a section of books that you think no student would ever visit, such as Russian Cheese Appreciation texts, and pop a squat on the floor with your laptop and notes. I can guarantee you will not get disturbed. However, I cannot guarantee that you will find your way out, for it is very easy to get lost in those shelves.

**Updated on January 16, 2018 to include list items 11–15 and “5 Quiet Places to Study in Strozier Library” by Chris Joseph

Brandon is a Junior at Florida State University studying Editing, Writing and Media. He can be found raving about his fantasy football team that came in second place last season or eating something chicken related.

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