10 Gifts Mizzou Students Actually Want

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Everyone wants that Starbucks gift card from Mom or a new sweater from Grandma, but let’s think about the real stuff. The things that physically, emotionally and financially affect our everyday, poor college lives. The best gifts for Mizzou students are easier than you might think.

Wondering what 10 gifts Mizzou students want year-round?

1. A’s from their professors

“I’d cry tears of joy if I got all A’s from my professors,” said sophomore Rachel Lock. We all struggled through that News Writing or Macroeconomics class . . .  Now let’s start wishing for the holiday magic to do it’s thing. “It would be the best gift ever,” said Lock.

2. Free tuition

We can all dream right? Technically, every student around the country should want free tuition. “I would love free tuition. It would make 2016 suck a lot less,” said sophomore Chelsea Long. But Mizzou students have it rough. I mean, hey, we had to suffer through a mumps outbreak on campus. Can’t we just get a small refund? “Free tuition. That’s the dream,” said sophomore Joy Wilbourn.

3. The Mumps Vaccine

Literally 228 cases of mumps and counting in a month, and now people are home, spreading their germs around the country. What a better gift for your average, everyday Mizzou student than that booster shot? The only thing better would be if the holiday spirit completely cleared Mizzou of the mumps. Alternative gift: copious amounts of hand sanitizer. “It reduces the risk of you getting the mumps or giving it to your friends, but more importantly you get a cartoon bandaid that you can show off to all your friends,” said Douglass.

4. Not to be attacked by the winter weather

Missouri may not have the worst winter weather, but all we ask for is not to be attacked by the wretched winds and snow while walking to class. No one enjoys trekking cross campus with aggressive wind and sub-zero weather.

5. Free textbooks

The Spring semester is days away, let’s not think about it too much. The holidays flew by and you’ll have to use that fresh hundred-dollar bill you got from your grandma to barely make a dent in your textbook purchases. Let us all take a moment of silence to think about how great it would be to have free textbooks.

6. Hobo-esque clothing

What college student doesn’t need several more pairs of ugly sweatpants to wear while studying late into the night? It’s the aesthetic you’ll see running through Ellis Library. I mean have you ever seen anyone dressed nice, studying late in Ellis? Didn’t think so.

7. Endless supply of coffee

Starbucks preferred of course. The convenient Starbucks location in Memorial union makes it dangerous for students’ wallets across campus. Imagine those sweet vanilla lattes with no price at all. I think that’s what heaven is like.

8. Teleport device to take you from your bed to class

Mizzou has the number one journalism school in the country and yet all of the journalism buildings are on the opposite side of campus from most of the dorms. Imagine walking from Hatch hall to the journalism school with snow blowing in your face. Being teleported to class would make life incredibly easy. Gift-gods, help a sister out.

9. Netflix that actually has all the shows you want

I mean I could watch Gossip Girl or The Office hundreds of times, but the new episodes of How to Get Away with Murder or immediate updates from New Girl aren’t readily available? Am I asking too much? Ain’t no college student got money to buy episodes on iTunes. We aren’t billionaires. How else am I supposed to pretend like I’m doing homework in Memorial Union but actually watching TV?

10. Speaking of homework

I mean how #blessed would students be without having to deal with the busy work of college. Anyone taking those Mizzou gen-eds knows that those professors are making up random stuff to stress over.

I'm a sophomore majoring in Journalism at the University of Missouri. I survive on good coffee and broadway showtunes.

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