Snitches, Karts, and Light Disks: Famous Fictional Sports

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Who is ready for this year’s Final Four, featuring the Chudley Cannons, Holyhead Harpies, Kenmare Kestrels, and the Montrose Magpies? Unless you read J.K. Rowling’s 2001 book “Quidditch Through the Ages,” that last sentence was probably complete gibberish. But how awesome would it be if March had an NCAA Quidditch tournament to accompany traditional March Madness basketball?

Everyone with a working knowledge of pop culture probably knows of a fictional sport they wish existed. These sports can range from the highly unlikely (light cycles and light disks from Tron) to the slightly plausible (Calvinball from the “Calvin and Hobbes” comic strip/cartoon).   Some of these sports defy logic, others the laws of physics. All of them are absolutely ridiculous.
“I’d like to see a real-life version of Mario Kart,” said University of Maryland freshman Mike Denison. “I think racing would be a lot more entertaining if you had giant shells that rammed into your car, speed boosts, and bananas that made you spin out.”
American University freshman Jake Gillis has a slightly more realistic idea. “Baseketball [from the Trey Parker/Matt Stone of movie of the same name] could really catch on around the country, even the world. It blends the fast pace of basketball with the unpredictability of baseball.  It is a true test of skill and anyone can play.”
A slight variation on classic American football would produce the Blood Bowl from Matt Forbeck’s “The Blood Bowl Omnibus.” “I love football, but there’s just not enough violence for me,” said University of Maryland sophomore Scott Dubinsky. “This game encourages violence so much, they put spikes on the ball!”
One fictional sport is already close to being a reality: college campuses across the nation have Quidditch clubs that play a grounded version of the class “Harry Potter” sport. “It’s amazing that college students were able to make Quidditch real,” said Penn State freshman Julie Mangurten. “It brings fantasy into reality.”

College Magazine Staff

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