Do you ever look at your boyfriend and wonder when and IF you will marry HIM? Woah, woah, woah. Hold on. Am I coming off way too strong by wanting to ask him this? Don’t you worry girl, not at all. Asking your boyfriend these deeper questions appears intimidating. This guide shows you how to express your concerns without seeming completely psycho about it.
Keep reading for 15 deep questions to ask your boyfriend to know his true intentions.
1. Is this a serious thing?
Let’s start with something simple to clear the air. You turn towards your boyfriend, you begin to ask, “Hey, are we something…-?” You notice he breaks a sweat and looks rather uncomfortable. Before you even get to the word “serious,” he already makes a panicked face. Well, at least you know his intentions. If you want to know the purpose of your relationship before getting in too deep, ask your boyfriend about what he sees the relationship as–long term or not? “I know this is not normally how people view asking these questions, but I would go straight on and ask them before getting too serious,” said Erika Rodriguez, a University of Florida sophomore. Once you establish the status of the relationship, you can then get to those deeper level questions.
2. Is there anything I can do for you?
Let’s think realistically here. Boyfriends think they can handle everything on their own but reassure them that they don’t need to. You could ask something along the lines of: How can I help? Can I do anything for you? Whether it revolves around his life or just a simple task, you could let them know that you desire to help. “I know at the moment he still is figuring out what he wants to do with his life career-wise and he tries to avoid the conversation at all costs, so yeah, I think I would ask him about what he wants to do,” Rodriguez said. “All I want to do is help him get to where he wants to be.” Knowing that you both care for each other helps establish a deeper connection in your relationship.
3. Are we going to get married? If so, when?
We would all LOVE to know the answer to this question. You imagine the day you finally walk down the aisle–beautiful flowers everywhere and friends and family gathered for the next chapter of your life. Wait…does he want this too? You should probably ask because both of your dreams matter. “He always says he wants to marry young and have kids, and I say, ‘Me too, when?” said Sasha Gonzalez, a Florida Gulf Coast University sophomore. “We always talk about when is the right time, like being financially stable and having a place to ourselves.” If you see yourself potentially marrying this boy, don’t stress about asking this question.
4. Do you want kids? Because I do.
One of the biggest steps in a relationship concerns whether or not you desire little people running around the house. If the relationship lasts for a significant amount of time and you truly believe he reigns as “the one,” you should discuss the “kids” topic. “I have been told 1,000,000 times that ‘you change your mind once you have them’ so it’s important that you and your significant other understand how active you each think you should be in raising children,” said Lydia Duncan, a University of Florida senior. Do you want kids? If you do, you should consider his thoughts too. “I would elaborate on the fact that I have always wanted to be a mom and see how that is reciprocated,” said Caroline Allen, a University of Central Florida sophomore. He might break a sweat at this question but knowing the answer could put a smile on your face.
5. Will your psyche line up with mine?
How does your boyfriend get along with other people? How would his relationships with people of your same-sex look like? Will his personality get along with mine? “No matter how progressive and mindful your significant other might be, their relationships with the important people in their lives DO affect how they treat you,” Duncan said. “Unfortunately, especially at this age, many people still aren’t seeing therapists as needed. You can ask your significant other outright, or simply observe how they view their parents or their sibling(s), and how they treat them.” We often don’t consider questions like these, but you see the importance. Knowing how your boyfriend acts around his mother, for example, helps you know how he would act around and treat you.
6. What kind of dog are we going to get?
Oftentimes we think “deep” questions mean serious questions. Maybe you don’t want a dog, but simple questions like these could reveal a lot about your boyfriend. In other words, what kind of lifestyle he wants to live. Questions like these promote fun and thoughtful conversations. Does a golden retriever that runs around in the yard sound good to both to you? Would a chihuahua be a deal-breaker? Does he actually fear animals? Use simple questions like these to reveal little details on how or if your boyfriend sees a future with furry friends.
7. What do you expect our future to look like?
Whether or not your boyfriend sees his future with you, asking this question defines the longevity of your relationship. “I would start by asking how they see their future in a few years and go off of that,” said Amanda Roberts, a University of Central Florida sophomore. “If they don’t seem certain about you in their future, I wouldn’t push to change that.” By asking this question, you might get an idea of how your future together would look. Ideally, you get a glimpse into how he sees his life with or without you–if without, you can decide if you want to continue the relationship or not.
8. Is there anything you fear about our relationship?
This question could reveal some non-ideal answers, but wouldn’t you like to know? “It’s best to be straightforward about any fears you may have,” Roberts said. “Being open about these has helped my relationship so much and you shouldn’t be scared to tell them your fears.” If anything, these fears will create scenarios you could work through together to create a healthier, stronger bond. Discussing fears allows you both to take action on the weaknesses in your relationship. Those fears you once had could turn into one of the strongest points of your relationship.
9. Do you believe what I believe?
If you believe strongly in a faith or a way of life, this could you may hit a touchy subject with this question. If spirituality or religion means a lot to you, don’t let the topic go unnoticed. “Are you really a follower of Jesus?” said Alyson Tomasetti, a University of Central Florida sophomore. “It’s one of those questions that I ask, and he answers, but I will never really know if his answer is for real or just to please or impress me.” Does your boyfriend share the same beliefs as you? If not, does he willingly accept you for believing them? Both people should understand and accept each other’s beliefs. If his beliefs stand in the way of yours, maybe consider that a person with the right intentions would accept your beliefs regardless of theirs.
10. What’s one trait you love about me and why?
What made him so head-over-heels about me in the first place? (Besides, we all love to feel flattered). Does he like you for your best traits? Does he bring out the best in you and you in him? Ask him! “I always ask him why he loves me, and he always gives me reasons like true reasons, not just the ‘I think you’re beautiful or funny or whatever,’ but he says how I have a big heart for everybody,” Gonzalez said. Positive affirmations about each other keep the relationship lively and healthy, so don’t shy away from asking. You could even remind him every so often about what you love about him.
11. What are your goals and how do you expect to reach them?
Understanding your boyfriend’s goals in life gives you a better understanding of how you fit into the picture and what he wants to accomplish. “This is particularly important to my relationship because we both have very different career paths and ideas of where we want to live in the future,” said Charlotte Dwyer, a University of Florida sophomore. “He will be going to med school while I will most likely start a job, so this could mean long distance. It’ll be important to know if that’s something he’s interested in.” Knowing your boyfriend’s goals could make you realize that you share some in common, and if you’d like to help him reach his
12. What lacks in our relationship?
You might find it tough to ask this question, but a strong foundation builds a strong relationship. Flaws exist in every relationship. You won’t know your boyfriend’s true intentions unless he wants to work through your relationship problems. “It may be hard to hear his answer, but I think it would be really important for growth as a couple,” Dwyer said. “I know we may want to act like everything is always perfect but it’s so important to recognize and address flaws in our relationship!” You should open up about any concerns to your boyfriend and acknowledge any he may have.
13. Do You Trust Me?
Before things go further in your relationship, you need to discuss the realms of trust. “Love is built on trust, understanding and communication in my opinion,” said Alexa Klein, a St. Leo University junior. This simply stated question can go a long way. A relationship should depend on trust as its foundation. You may find it hard to connect without trust. Learning to trust each other will help you both be more open, especially on deeper level topics.
14. Are You Satisfied with Our Intimacy?
This question revolves around understanding each other’s chemistry. As you develop in your relationship, expect intimacy and chemistry to change. You want to keep you and your boyfriend on the same page. Don’t allow him to seek intimacy elsewhere by not asking questions centered around intimacy. Don’t fear to explore the realms of each of your chemistry by casually asking if anything could change.
15. Do you feel like you can communicate with me?
Ultimately, all these questions test how well you communicate with your boyfriend. If asking deep questions feels hard, take a step back. Ask him directly if he can communicate with you. In order to grow with each other, you both need to keep an open mind about other’s stances, opinions and lifestyles. If you already notice communication problems, then continue the conversation by asking him, “How can I communicate with you better?”
This feels like a lot. I know. Breathe. Lucky for you, you should feel no rush to ask all these questions in one night. “Understand that these are all completely normal topics of discussion to have in a relationship and they should be discussed if you really feel strongly about your s/o,” Florida State University sophomore Nyasia Rodriguez said. “Timing is also something important to keep in mind too depending on the topic.” Don’t feel intimidated by wanting to know more about your boyfriend. Go out and ask those next-level questions!