Guy’s Take: Give Long-Distance Dating a Break

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Earlier this week, the College Magazine staff assembled the long distance rulebook when it comes to maintaining a relationship in different areas. But for me, if you allow me to be blunt about it, that’s just stupid.

Long-distance relationships are not worth the stress, insecurity and added effort necessary in order to make it work. And if you’re really being honest with yourself and your significant other, you both need to ask yourself “Is it really worth it?”

The article stated three keys on how to keep the relationship strong – always be honest and up front (including what you’re doing all the time), make time for each other every night (to inform them of every little thing you do) and, essentially, use your cell phone for sex.

To be honest and up front sounds really easy to do. But consider this – if you met a good-looking girl on the street or a co-worker flirted with you during lunch, is that something you want to tell your girlfriend across the country?

And it only takes one small white line to turn into two, four, eight – yada, yada, yada. And it goes both ways. There is always going to be information that you are not going to want to share with your significant other. That’s just reality of it all.

That’s where the insecurity factor arises. If you’re lying to her, is she lying to you, too? I don’t know. Maybe. Probably. Probably not. But, maybe.

Oh, and now that’s all you’re thinking about – in the shower, at work, at lunch, when you’re trying to sleep. Good luck catching eight hours now.

Making time for each other every night is a huge commitment. You get home from work, you’re about to start cooking dinner and then you get the call. So you talk and you talk, and an hour passes, and she’s still talking about the girl who gave her a weird look in passing, but she can’t figure out if it was weird in a good way or weird in a bad way.

Enough already, right?

But you can’t say “OK. Enough.” on the phone in a long-distance relationship. That will spark an argument faster than screaming “Go Yanks” in the middle of Fenway Park. And since you’re apart, talking over the phone is the only way of really communicating with each other, and you cannot afford to lose that.

This is what I’m talking about with that extra effort you need to put into the relationship to keep it working. It is hard enough to maintain a relationship with you live close to or with your significant other. It takes a lot of time and patience and commitment. But how much of your life can you devote?

At some point, it just might occur to you or her that talking everyday about everything is just too freaking difficult. And what happens if you miss Thursday? And then next week, you miss Thursday and don’t talk Friday.

What happens when it becomes an entire weekend without calling each other? Is she hanging out with someone else? What’s he doing? Why didn’t she call? Should I call him or should I wait for him to call me?

That sounds like a hell of a time.

Using your cell phone to fool around, send pics, talk dirty to each other is going to get old – fast. Let me be real with you for a second – how long are you really going to last without some form of actual sex?

Sending pics and talking dirty may suffice for a little while, but your entire sex life cannot consist of sexting and phone sex. That’s insane, and you two are insane if you believe you can survive with that as your sex life.

It basically comes down to this – at one point, one of you are going to cave to your desire to consider someone else, flirt with someone else and even actually cheat with someone else. It’s just a game of chicken; who’s going to do it first.

Take my advice. If you’re considering a long-distance relationship then keep in mind the stress of never knowing the whole truth, the insecurity that will keep you up nights as you wonder “What if?” and if all the extra work you’re putting into making this work is really worth it.

If you ask me, it isn’t. If it’s meant to be then it’s meant to be. Don’t try to manipulate fate.

Sam Spiegelman

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