Good Student/Bad Student: Generous Starbucks vs. Humanity’s New Low

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We want you to be good. On the other hand, we can't help but feed into your bad drama. Of course the college atmosphere breeds naughty behavior and the media will always cover the incidents that stem from alcohol-induced hijinks. At the same time, we believe college students are changing the world every day. In good student/bad student, we give you the best of both:

 

Starbucks Helping Its Employees Pay for College

Okay, so it’s only helping them take online classes through Arizona State University. The quality of that education is, to be honest, dubious at best.

That’s the equivalent of Subway paying for its employees to take Greendale Community College’s pre-menopausal post-feministic experiential marketing class.   

But a college degree is a college degree, and Starbucks is offering its 135,000 U.S. workers the opportunity to earn theirs at a large discount.

The Sun Devils’ online program usually costs about $10,000 a year, but Starbucks has pledged to put its own money toward their tuition. All jokes aside, that’s pretty damn cool.

 

Umm, This Exists

For those smart enough not to watch that video, allow me to explain what that is while desperately trying not to feel the need to take a cold shower afterward.

The Autoblow 2 is an electronic Fleshlight that is supposed to be, according to its creator Brian Sloan (the guy in the video), “a giant leap towards improving the realism of the male masturbation experience.”

Not only did this crowdfunded slap to Mother Nature’s face reach its goal of raising $45,000, but it ended up making $280,247 in a month.

Two quick thoughts:

1.)  This is basically just inviting robots to become our overlords. What more power can we possibly give them?

2.)  You may be wondering what this has to do with college. Keep asking that question when you start consistently hearing strange buzzing noises through your walls that all last about the same amount of time. You’ve been warned.     

Junior > Journalism > University of Maryland

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