Diary of a Role-Player

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When it comes to sex, it’s not difficult to go from healthy to normal to boring. Having sex for the first few times with someone is always exciting – trying to figure out what they like and letting them know what you like, but what happens when that person isn’t so new anymore and the sex goes from mind-blowing to predictable? Well, in the spirit of Halloween, perhaps it’s time to consider trying something new. In other words, costumes aren’t just for trick or treating anymore.

For those who are shaking their heads right now or who have considered a little role-play but never had the courage to go through with it, I thought I’d give a little taste of what you’re missing. I interviewed a college student who has chosen to remain anonymous, but was willing to let me walk you through her fantasy turned reality.


I pull on the fishnets, zip up the black patent boots, button the bottom few shirt buttons, and tuck my hair inside the hat. As I walk out of the room, I stop at the mirror and move my eyes from top to bottom, making sure I look the part. I realize I forgot the most important – and pleasurable – piece of the costume. I hook the shiny silver handcuffs onto my belt loop to complete the look. I’m about to go into the bedroom, but I linger on my face in the mirror for several seconds. Maybe some lipstick? No, cops don’t really wear noticeable lipstick on the job. After internally congratulating myself for almost perfectly resembling a police officer, I open the bedroom door and walk over to the bed.

My girlfriend is anxiously waiting for me to bust her for a crime. She silently begs me to lock her in the handcuffs I wear on my waist. After teasing her for a few minutes I obey and attach her to the bedpost. I use the lines we all know by heart from shows like Law & Order and Criminal Minds. Yelling at her to be quiet, stating her rights, pushing her around a bit. She’s instantly turned on when I shout commands and take control. After she’s secured to the bed, I slowly start to undress her…

My girlfriend and I first tried role-play a year ago when we decided it was time to spice up our sex lives. We’ve tried having traditional sex, we’ve tried using sex toys, and we’ve tried inviting other guests into the bed with us. We were ready for our next adventure. Both enjoying BDSM sexual activities, we thought we’d step it up by dressing up. Now, a year and over 10 costumes later, we have sex several times a week and dress in costume at least once a week. It’s the thrill that keeps us interested. Every week we have a chance to be someone else and say erotic things in character.

Right now, my closet is lined with costumes like cops, nurses, schoolgirls, and professors, but we constantly add to the collection. I’m normally the one to dress up because my girlfriend likes to be the submissive, although she often chooses which costumes we buy. The costumes we use most frequently are cops and schoolgirls, because those have been fantasies for both of us.  

Although we were both comfortable with each other before we starting hooking up in costume, the new sexual lifestyle has faded all boundaries. I feel empowered when I put on a costume; I can say anything and do anything because I’m temporarily someone else. I don’t know what will come next to enhance our sex lives, but I do know that we’ll never go back from role-play.


 So there you have it. No longer taboo, dressing up and role-play are great ways to spice up your time in the bedroom. So this October 31st, leave your costume on at the end of the night and see how far your imagination can take you.   

Sophomore > Journalism and Environmental Science > NYU

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