So, it, that, whatever you want to call it, happened. And you’re just sitting there like, what? How? Me? But the strongest thought that hovers above them all, “I don’t understand.” You don’t understand why every time you see her, you heart starts pounding its way out of your chest. Every time you make eye contact you feel like your soul will leave your body. You wish it could land right in her hands. Just the thought of her puts a smile on your face, but you quickly shut these thoughts down as you try to connect a whole new set of dots you’ve never even seen or felt before. You like a girl, and you’re a girl. Whether it’s a first glance, first kiss or first accidental hook up because you were drunk and curious, she made you feel something, and you liked it.
Oftentimes, our will becomes distorted by the ways of a society governed by people who still follow rules and traditions from the 1800s. This supports the ever existent “forbidden” nature that same sex relations connote. Even if you’ve been out of the closet for a while, shooting your shot can feel like a game of chance. Though the fear of rejection exists, remember that you deserve love and deserve to experience the prospects of a beautiful relationship with whomever you choose. It’s tough- these rules built on inequality still reside in our society today, but the strides of so many brave souls resulted in getting us to a place where people like me now write articles like this without putting our lives danger.
If later along the line you choose to point the middle finger at society, here’s a quick guide on how to ask a girl out when you’re a girl.
So, you want to ask a girl out on a date. You kept a close eye on her, intentionally or not, and you wonder if she’s also into girls. The most important thing to remember, no matter what answer you get, you’re already great for the courage you held to ask. But before you do, keep a lookout for signs that can help when assessing how to go about things.
First, like she did to you, pique her interest. Unless you want to completely wing it and try with nothing but hope in your heart, it would probably suit you to find out if she has some sort of interest in you, even if it’s the slightest, we can work with that. Make sure you determine her relationship status, some people like to keep their options open but if you’re looking for something more intimate, be conscious!
“It took me a while to accept the fact that me liking girls wasn’t all in my head and that embracing who I am is far better than pretending to be something I’m not. Once I broke out of that shell I wasn’t nervous to ask girls out because I knew them shutting me down had nothing to do with me but with who they were, and that’s okay. At the end of the day, there’s someone out there for everyone,” St. John’s University senior Kayla Johnson said.
“I went to an all-girls high school, so it was a little easier to find an interested girl since we were constantly surrounded by them and everyone was just curious. But when I got to college it was like I had to test the waters before even trying. I really liked this girl from my psych class and I would go to frat parties just to see her. I noticed she always dubbed guys and stayed with her friends, so one day I had the balls to ask her out. I asked if she had ever been on a date with a girl, and if she’d like to start with me. We’ve been together for a year and a half now,” State University of New York at Albany senior Hennesy Franco said.
Begin asking yourself questions.
Does she notice you when you walk past her? Notice her body language if she does, a woman’s interest level usually shines through their actions, especially with their face. In your conversations with her in the past, did she ever touch you slightly or leaned into you? Has it happened more often than once? Does she know you’re interested in girls? If you’ve been vocal about this before, focus on how she reacted. Did she appear unphased or a bit turned off from it? Learning her views about the LGBTQ+ community early on can help make your decision much easier.
Now, you’ve established some understanding of her views, you agree, and you’ve noticed her body language may show interest as well. It’s time to flirt. Confidence will be your best friend here. Maintain eye contact when starting the conversation and pay attention. You may want to try flirting a few days consecutively before asking if you’re still feeling unsure.
Be yourself and try to make her laugh followed by a few compliments. You should tell by then if it’s the right time to drop the question based on how she’s engaging with you. Use this time to get to get to know her as well. Base your compliments off of how she answers your questions. Look for things in common and focus on that.
No matter how attractive you find someone, their true colors make all the difference. Talking in person poses the best way to get to know someone. You should also ask in person as well. It’ll be easier to receive the message since body language and expressions are involved. It’s also more likely that she’d take you more seriously and it’s much more romantic than a text.
“I remember it took me forever to approach this girl. I had liked her since our freshman year of high school and then we went to the same college together. I joined the art club just so I could have an excuse to see her and we ended up becoming really good friends by the end of freshman year. That summer I noticed we were getting closer and I wanted to be upfront with her because I knew I was in the friendzone. She answered back saying ‘I knew you didn’t like art,’ and we’ve been together for three years,” Kean University senior Harmony Johnson said.
Once you feel comfortable enough and feel natural within the conversation, shift the direction but keep the vibe going. Like something along the lines of “I’m really enjoying this conversation, would you want to continue over dinner?” If you want to play it safe, simply ask for her phone number. This also acts as a good cushion for those who don’t take rejection well. If you don’t get a phone number, you probably won’t get a date. You don’t want to make it seem like you walked over there just to ask her out. One advantage women hold over guys, they know girls are way more interested in emotional connection than they’ll ever be about fancy cars, money or whatever material items men believe are a compensation for intelligence and goals.
I can’t stress this enough. Don’t ask to simply hangout because this could get interpreted as a more friendly invitation. If you intend to date her, then you need to speak off that and be intentional with going out on a date. Remember that you walked in there not for validation, but to take a chance. Regardless of the results, you’re still great.
There’s one more thing I should point out. In the seemingly rare yet spectacularly normal case that you’ve fallen in love with your best friend and want to know if she feels the same way, be strategic. Ask yourself if it’s a relationship worth complicating to find out the truth. By complicating I mean, you have to be open to the fact that she may want to distance herself a bit since this news can be startling. Remember to keep an open mind. You never know if she may be curious too. If she’s truly you best friend, she shouldn’t find the news offensive. Follow the steps of interpreting body language and find out if you’d want to shoot your shot or not.
“It happens to a lot more people than you think. When I found out I loved my best friend more than just a friend I was so scared and confused. I knew I couldn’t hide anything from her, but I didn’t know how to tell her. We were roommates at school and I knew it would complicate everything. I never told her and I regret that a lot because she currently has a girlfriend,” Rutgers University Junior Hillary Mendez said.
In the case that you receive a yes, congratulations. You’ve officially disappointed a lot of homophobes. But most importantly, you chose to be yourself and that will always take you exactly where you need to be.