No one gets into a relationship with the intention of it failing, but sometimes you’ve got to accept the situation. Every relationship is different, but many ten to fail for similar reasons.
“They are whirlwind promenades that begin with sex and never seem to get around to the fundamentals of friendship and respect,” says marriage and family expert Richard Hamon. “They tend to be shortâlived and inconsequential. They tend to focus on quick satisfaction, instead of the underlying fundamentals.”
Whether it’s been a few years or a few weeks, there are ways of figuring out whether your relationship is salvageable or destined for disaster.
1) He or she is not making time for you
To be in a successful relationship, you must make each other a priority. Yeah, you both have lives that include school, work, family, friends, internships and more. But if you really love someone, you’ll make time for them no matter how hectic your schedule may be. If he’s more anxious to hang with his boys or she would rather be having a girls’ night with her friends and you’re constantly put on the backburner, it may be time for you to cut ties.
“You know a relationship is failing when your significant other deletes your posts on his or her Facebook wall and will take phone calls while you are in his or her presence and their tone completely changes. The biggest way to know that your relationship is failing is when you are no longer happy in the relationship.” -Lanee Higgins, sophomore at Hood College
2) Your needs are not being met.
First of all, if you want a relationship to work, you have to make sure you’ve got your stuff together so that you can make a good partner to someone. A huge part of this is knowing what you want. If you know what you want, you’ll never settle for less than that. If being with your partner isn’t fun, fulfilling or comfortable, they may not be the right person for you. You should be able to laugh, have fun and feel emotionally supported with that person. The people in your life should lift you up when you’re down, not the other way around.
3) There’s little to no communication.
It shouldn’t be new information to you that the key to a healthy relationship is communication. Cliché, maybe, but true. If you can’t open up to this person and tell them how you feel, that’s a problem. You should be comfortable enough around this person that you can tell them anything, whether it’s opening up to them about personal issues or being honest with them about what they’re doing wrong. In turn, they should be just as open with you. If you can’t communicate, you’ll never know what’s wrong and the problems in your relationship will fester and eventually get the best of you.
4) You compare him or her to others.
Thinking about how much funnier that gorgeous bartender is than your girlfriend or how much more stimulating the conversation would be with that cutie from the gym? That means something is unfulfilled in your relationship. If you have a voice inside you that doubts your relationship, you should probably listen to it. Sure, even people who are happy may have fantasies about others, but when those thoughts become consuming, it’s a problem. This can be fixed by communicating with them what it is you want more (or less) of. If they heed your suggestions, you may just find that all you needed to do was talk to them. However, if you’ve tried this and it isn’t working, move on.
5) The cons outweigh the pros.
This may be cheesy, but it works. If you can’t make a decision on the fate of your relationship, make a list of your partner’s pros and another list of their cons. Compare these side by side and determine which list is more overwhelming. Even if one side has more points, the other side’s points may hold more weight. If the cons outweigh the pros and you’ve exhausted all your options in trying to make it work, your relationship has most likely reached the end of the road.
“A sign that my relationship isn’t working is when I’m no longer concerned if that person and I continue our relationship or not. When I can no longer see a future with my significant other, that’s usually my sign that our relationship is no longer working.” Miracle Rose, senior at Morgan University
Break-ups are no fun, but they happen. It may hurt for a bit, but it’s not the end of the world. It doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you or the other person, it’s simply a matter of finding your match. The important thing is to try to make it work and not to give up at the first sign of a problem. If you don’t learn how to resolve issues in your relationships now, they’ll only continue to suffer as time goes on.