It’s the 21st Century. Our technology and creativity have progressed, but why hasn’t our pranking ability? Why do we still rely on the boring, old and technologically-outdated pranking methods of the early 1900s? It is time to lay some of these older, outdated pranks to rest because, honestly, they just are extremely annoying. Here are the worst of the worst, the most boring and cliché ones out there. The ones that, hopefully we will not encounter again this April Fool’s Day and have finally bit the dust.
1. Joy Buzzer
Has anyone ever fallen for a joy buzzer? It seems impossible that a person could miss a giant buzzer on the palm of someone’s hand. And even if you don’t see it, you sure can feel it before the buzzer goes off. Also, when would be an appropriate time to use it? I would only use it on friends, but you don’t shake hands with your friends. On your boss? If you want to get fired. Professor? No, just no. There is no good time for a joy buzzer.
2. Flower Corsage
This has to be one of the oldest pranks in the book. Made famous by the Joker, people must not realize that it’s not funny in real life. First, no real person is going to go up and smell your fake looking flower. Second, I can see your hand holding the water pump in your pocket. If you want to get someone wet, just push the prankee into a pool or ocean or other body of water like everyone else. Leave the fancy-pancy corsage at home.
3. Rubber Chickens
What is the point of a rubber chicken? Is it the mere fact that you own a rubber chicken that is supposed to be funny? Are you supposed to hit people with it? Do you think it’s funny to be having a nice conversation, suddenly whip out a rubber chicken and hit the other person? Actually that does sound pretty funny. On second thought, take this off the list!
4. Arrow Through the Head
I’m no doctor, but you definitely have an arrow stuck through your brain if you pull this prank. People put time into their prosthetics during Halloween. At April Fool’s Day, we settle for a campier version of the real thing. Let’s at least try to put in a little effort towards a good body mutilation prank and leave the $2 headbands behind.
5. Whoopee Cushion
The only acceptable time to buy a Whoopee cushion is at Chuck-E-Cheese’s with your leftover tickets. Besides that, don’t. It doesn’t matter if it is self-inflating, remote controlled or indestructible—the joke just is not that funny. If, somehow, you manage to get somebody to sit on it, he won’t be embarrassed. He’ll only pull out the piece of rubber and roll his eyes. That’s it.
6. A Shocking Surprise
No, I do not want to borrow your new pen. No, I do not want to grab a piece of gum from that off-brand pack. No, I will not unlock your car with a key fab without a label. What is your obsession with shocking me, anyway? First the buzzer, now all this. Shocks are not painful, only extremely annoying. The one time this prank can be even close to funny is when you get someone who is easily startled, but in that case a rubber chicken would work just as well.
7. Stink Bomb
Stink bombs do, in fact, exist. Why? I couldn’t tell you. What I do know is that they smell really bad. Someone once threw a handful of them into my car as an April Fool’s joke. The smell lingered for almost a month. Those toxic balls of evil should be banned by the Geneva Convention because they are chemical weapons. If you want to be an asshole and trash your friend’s car, just break the windshield. It’s easier to fix.
8. A Can of “Peanut Brittle”
“I would definitely like that grody looking can of peanut brittle or mixed nuts. Oh no, there are snakes inside. Ahhhhhhhhhh! I was totally not expecting snakes to pop out at me. You got me.”
If you found that scenario funny, you and this prank belong together and far away from me.
9. The Fake Spider
Too many times, we have we been startled (not scared—I’m telling you I’m NOT scared) by the tarantula-on-the-shoulder, spider-hovering-above-the-bed and the spider-down-your-shirt pranks. It is time to stop the injustices and put an end to all rubber arachnids, insects, rodents and reptiles (but not chickens). I will no longer half-dance/half-seize in an attempt to get a fake spider off of me. These jokes go too far and need to be removed from our prank lexicon.
“But it looks so realistic!” That’s great, but still don’t buy it. Who are you going to use it on? The only person who will fall for it is poor old granny and do you really want to make her get on her hands and knees to try to scrub fake dog poop from her kitchen floor? The same goes for fake vomit, fake pee and any other fake bodily fluid. #BeNicetoGranny.