On Tuesday, UMD Alerts sent out the least surprising message we’ve ever received: the Wi-Fi was down. If you’ve been on campus, like, ever, then you know that wifi outages are about as common as falling asleep during an 8 a.m. or avoiding the bake sale people in front of Stamp. You’d expect the University of Maryland to anticipate the Wi-Fi needs of 30,000 students, but I guess they just forgot. Just like I forgot to upload that assignment at 11:59 p.m. Oops. This semester’s wifi has been especially terrible, so when UMD sent out this alert, the terps got to tweeting.
1. Financial Aid
UMD-secure is about as secure as my financial situation
— ak (@angelineking47) September 13, 2016
Life imitates art. Or in this case, Wi-Fi imitates lack of funds.
2. Catching These Hands
Those are fighting words, UMD.
3. Walking A Tightrope
Umd-secure wifi is about as secure as this guy’s harness pic.twitter.com/UJXCauPj1U
— becca🤟🏻 (@beccamals) September 13, 2016
Harness? What harness? Exactly. UMD Wi-Fi, where you at?
4. Pepe Testudo
UMD students when umd-secure actin up pic.twitter.com/VynnEYGoZF
— Kye Dolla Σign (@_Kyeezy) September 12, 2016
We just take the “L” every single time.
5. The Best at Being the Worst
Shoutout to umd-secure for doing an exceptional job at staying consistent with one thing: letting me down.
— Natalie Grim (@natalie_grim) September 13, 2016
UMD may be a top research institution, but its Wi-Fi definitely takes last place.
6. Rice Can Fix It
someone put umd-secure in rice please.
— pikaboo (@bbyyjaye) September 12, 2016
Stick it in rice— maybe that’ll help. We’re desperate at this point.
7. Bad Things, Good People
*umd secure doesn’t connect*
Me: why do bad things happen to good people
— michael jordaan (@shenancygans17) September 12, 2016
All around us are familiar Wi-Fi’s, worn out log-ins, worn out networks… #MadWifi
umd-secure got me like pic.twitter.com/pvsnGaiddS
— scorpihoe (@minhyon224) September 3, 2016
I’ve stared at these screens for over an hour. Trust me, they won’t load.
9. New Wi-Fi, Who Dis?
You decided to wait to do that homework the night before it’s due? Sounds like a good time to go down
— umd_insecure (@umd_secure) September 13, 2016
To all those comp-sci majors out there: Do your homework! Otherwise you’ll get hired at UMD’s IT department, and we all know how that ends.
10. Short and Simple
Dear UMD-secure, I hate you.
— kevbot (@KevRearEnd) September 13, 2016
Straight to the point, umd-secure— get your sh-t together!