Words cannot describe the feeling that you get when you find out you got into college.
When I found out that I got accepted into the University of Florida, I was at a loss for words. My senior year in high school was great. I was top of my class.
But even then, I wasn’t sure if college was for me.
Yes, I am smart. I get good grades. But do I have to go to college to prosper in life? I wasn’t sure. But I still applied to every school in Florida. I had nothing to lose. Why not go?
Unlike some people, I didn’t dream about a specific college. Nor did I know what I wanted to study. So when the University of Florida came knocking on my door with a full scholarship, I was shocked. It was unexpected. I wasn’t sure about college. But I couldn’t deny a full ride to one of the best universities in Florida. With hesitation and confusion by my side, I began to attend the university.
This shouldn’t be a shock, but as a first-year student, I struggled. My passion to learn disappeared. I didn’t go to class. I didn’t leave my dorm room. My grades started to drop. I didn’t know what I wanted to study. I started off as an exploratory major, taking different classes to narrow down my interests. I loved Creative Writing (CRW 1101) and Acting for Non-Majors (TPP 2100). I wish I could forget College Algebra (MAC 1105). Soon, I realized that my true passion was in media. I took a course called Basic 5, which taught me what happened behind the scenes at a new station. I even worked the cameras and reported. I decided to major in telecommunication news. And it’s one of the best decisions I ever made.
But it was also the worst. As a reporter, I write, produce and report stories. On camera, I excelled. But professors and peers reminded time and time again that news is a dying field. Reporters don’t make tons of money. People no longer turn on the TV to watch news. Instead they turn to Facebook and other social media to learn what’s happening in the world. I finally found something that I loved and enjoyed yet slowly it was being taken from me. Or rather, I was slowly letting it go.
I began to ask myself: Why did you come to this school? Was it worth taking the full ride? Someone out there knows what they want. That person could use this scholarship. And I took it not knowing what I wanted. I should’ve never came here. This began to take a toll on me.
I felt like I didn’t belong. I got depressed and wanted to go home. I couldn’t tell anyone how I felt because I wasn’t sure what I felt. But I knew for sure that I needed a break. I needed to think about what I want in life.
I went home for the summer. I didn’t work or take classes. I just thought about me: my future, education, desires, needs and life.
One day I came across quote by Marianne Williamson, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”
I always felt that college wasn’t for me. But I was wrong. College is for anyone who wants to continue their education. I feared my talent. It’s easy to remain complacent rather than venture off into the unknown. I know this now. However, this wasn’t an epiphany that came out of nowhere. It took time and a lot of energy.
I know that I am supposed to be at the University of Florida. I found a major, telecommunication management and strategy, and I’m happy with it. I continue to push myself and I’ve applied for things internships with NBC, scholarships and leadership positions I may not get but the possibility of getting would be amazing. In the future, I want to become a television producer, screenwriter, actor and author. I can do it all. I am trying to not let my fear of the future get the best of me. I try to push the thought of “I should have never went to college” out of my head.
Instead, I feed off the unknown and my fears. I work hard so that the unknown becomes clear. At times it feels scary. I wish I had all the answers. But I don’t. No one does. I take it one day at a time.