Gobble, Gobble, Gone: Brace Yourself for the Turkey Dump

Ah, Thanksgiving break: a beautiful time for relaxing, eating pumpkin pie, wearing scratchy sweaters and comforting the brokenhearted.

Wait, what? What was that last bit about broken hearts?

That’s right: It’s about time we started bracing ourselves for the Turkey Dump.

Maybe it’s something about the November chill that makes people want to cut off all ties to their high school sweethearts. Or maybe it’s because by Thanksgiving, freshmen have settled in to college life; maybe you’ve joined a few clubs, made a few friends, reached a certain level of comfort with your random roommate and so you’re finding your footing at school.

But there’s one thing keeping you from being fully present at school: your faraway, star-crossed lover.

Forgive me if I sound cynical, but the Turkey Dump really does make sense if you think about it.

As thousands of college kids across the country say goodbye to high school relationships, be ready for the dating pool to suddenly expand. Because Thanksgiving is an excellent opportunity to come home, take a break from school and re-evaluate what you want out of the rest of your year, better halves everywhere find that the only way to fully immerse themselves at their own school is by living the single life for a little bit.

The days when every “What’s the Econ homework?” text warranted the reply, “Oh, sorry, I have a girlfriend/boyfriend” will finally cease.

For freshmen, the Turkey Dump is a huge source of stress and struggle. Breaking up with a significant other over the phone is even less fun than it sounds. However, it’s an annual phenomenon that, unfortunately, will probably still be going on even when college students can send that “It’s not you it’s me” message directly into their soon-to-be-ex’s head via their futuristic mind-phones. When the adjustment period of college comes to an end after first semester, the rose-colored glasses of high school love need a much stronger prescription to work.

So good luck friends; more fish are waiting in those endless collegiate seas. Enjoy some turkey and pie and get back to school ready for a fresh start. And if your friend says they need to talk, be ready to listen.