Dr. Sawyer: If being able to perform tongue maneuvers of Olympic complexity defines a person as a good kisser, then maybe that party trick with the cherry stem might just qualify someone as a good kisser. The thing about kissing and tongues is that it’s all a matter of personal taste (no pun intended). A little tongue, lots of tongue, slurping like a Golden Retriever … you name it, the possibilities are endless. Some might find the cherry stem tying tongue to be a turn on, but to others, the feeling that a small but active reptile has just invaded your mouth and is in danger of accidentally tying your tonsils together … well, not so much. Maybe the owners of gymnastic tongues might find their skills better appreciated in other areas of the body?
First Kiss? No Problem, I Can Tie a Cherry Stem With My Tongue
Written by Madeline Smith
The whole idea of tying a cherry stem with your tongue, hands-free, stems from guys at the bar trying to impress women. The classic “bar act” initially intended to demonstrate how the tongue can perform in other areas of the body, but to keep it clean, let’s leave it at kissing.
But does tying a cherry stem with your tongue actually indicate how elite your kissing skills are?
Other than a few tutorials on YouTube on how to tie the stem, studies do not depict any correlation with kissing. “I absolutely do not use those techniques when kissing. I don’t think they have anything to do with each other. What I do to tie a cherry stem is not the same as what I do when I kiss,” Southern University sophomore, Kaylynn Hebert said. So, there you have it, according to Hebert—no correlation.
More than knot-tying, before tonguing down your partner, or “not partner,” the first time discussing consent is important. “When it comes to being a ‘good’ kisser, the first thing is consent. Knowing when it’s the right time to kiss someone is when they have said that it’s okay to kiss them. It’s a weird thing because as a society we think it’s weird to ask for things like that, but it’s really not,” sex educator and blogger Alexandria Williams, aka SexologyBae, said. “It could help set the mood and make the person feel more comfortable. If they’re not comfortable they can vocalize that so you don’t accidentally assault them.” Sexual assault encompasses any form of unwanted touching of a sexual nature such as kissing, fondling, oral sex or intercourse, according to Kids Help Phone. Surely you don’t want to intentionally make your partner uncomfortable, so just check—especially the first time.
When in the “talking” or beginning stages of a relationship checking with your partner is important. “Before he tried to kiss me he asked, ‘Is it okay for me to kiss you?’ It was only two to three weeks into us talking. I really respected the fact that he asked,” Louisiana Tech University junior Ladereka Christian said. Christian explained that she appreciated him asking, but she still said no due to the freshness of the relationship. She needed more time before getting too involved.
Giving your partner the opportunity to say no and respecting their decision is always the right way to go when moving toward the first kiss.
Don’t think of it as lame. “Too often our generation thinks stopping to ask someone if they’re okay with something is ‘lame’ or ‘awkward.’ There’s nothing more lame than non-consensual hook ups. It’s so important to constantly ask your partner if what you’re doing is okay, [even] kissing,” Florida A&M University senior and upcoming president for Warriors Against Rape (W.A.R.) Aiyana Ishmael said. “Things can get uncomfortable really quickly, and it’s both participants’ job to make sure they’re comfortable.” After crossing the grounds of consent, what makes a first kiss ‘good’?
Some suggest that you not shove your tongue into your partner’s tonsils immediately, but take things slow. First kisses should leave lasting positive impressions and leaving the impression of being a tongue jabber won’t achieve that. “For the first kiss we kept it simple, but after that we kind of just went with the flow. We can kind of feed off of each other now, and it depends on the mood,” Christian said. “For the first time, keep it simple. You never know what the other person is thinking, and you rather not do enough than do too much.” Don’t worry or let your nerves get in the way.
Just take it easy and go slow.
SexologyBae shared that the first kiss presents the perfect way to establish communicating what you do and don’t like. She described it as a “sexy game” when you experiment with the new person you date or kiss frequently. You and your partner’s first kiss may not hold the magical experience you hope for, but stay open-minded and try again.
So, does tying a cherry stem with your tongue automatically deem you a good kisser? Probably not, but a cool trick? Yes. Save those tongue acrobatics for another occasion. For the first kiss, keep an open mind and take things slow. If you find yourself in the mood and both parties voice their comfort to kiss, go for it.
*Updated August 12, 2020 by Madeline Smith to include “First Kiss? No Problem, I Can Tie a Cherry Stem With My Tongue”