Unfortunately for the planet, not everybody is blessed enough to look like Ryan Gosling. But that doesn’t mean a guy who doesn’t can’t do just as well with women. We all have that one friend that looks like he had a bowl of ugly for breakfast that somehow, beyond any one’s comprehension, still manages to consistently close with the hottest girls. The guy’s pond reflection scares away fish and he’s barely tall enough for most roller-coasters, but he flips over more 10’s than a bank teller. He’s obviously not relying on this less-than-stellar aesthetics, but he’s gotta be doing something right.
You don’t need to look like a famous actor, be a mind-reader or have the debonair aura of the Dos Equis guy to have infallible game.
All girls are different, but these 10 tips for your playbook will help you score on almost any field.
1. Be Funny
Before you make her moan, you have to make her laugh. Using humor will make her comfortable with you, have her hanging on your every word, and show her that you’re a lot of fun. Women love funny guys.
2. Be Confident
The only thing sexier than a funny guy is a man who walks and talks with confidence. Approach her, ask for her name, shake her hand. If you’re hooking up, don’t ask if you can do this, put your hand here, etc. Just go for it, and if it doesn’t fly, respect it. A man that goes for what he wants and does so with class and ease, will get it.
3. Smell Good
This one is as easy as two clicks of a cologne bottle before you leave the house. According to director of Chicago’s Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation Alan Hirsh, as he told Cosmo, pleasant aromas stimulate the part of the brain that is connected to sexual desire. Heather Matock, a University of Pittsburgh junior, says she is more attracted to men that smell good, and notices them more. “The smell of a nice cologne when a guy approaches me definitely sparks my interest and I will be more into you sticking around,” she said. She warns, however, not to over-do it. “I don’t want to be able to smell you from across the room,” she said.
4. Keep it Together at Parties
Being a drunk, belligerent mess at a party will dry girls up faster than extra strength Bounty. There’s a fine line between loosening up, and being “that guy,” who’s yelling, falling, and puking everywhere. Make sure you don’t let liquid courage sour into liquid humiliation. Girls like a man that can handle himself. Even if you’re lucky enough to get a girl in bed after downing 20 shots, you might have trouble “rising” to the occasion.
5. Shut Up and Listen
Girls can tell when you’re smiling, nodding and pretending to hear what they’re saying while really just tuning them out and planning your next move. Don’t be texting constantly when you’re holding a conversation, be sure to make eye contact, and provide input. Girls like talking about themselves, so ask them questions. Basically, make it all about her – you’ll get your own type of gratification later. You may find that, inadvertently, enjoying a good conversation and learning about her interests, instead of silently gaging her bra size, might be a nice byproduct.
6. Win Over Her Friends
Often times, girls seek confirmation from their gal pals. They usually trust their friends’ opinions when it comes to men, so the stamp of approval is worth its weight in gold. And besides, if she’s on the fence about you, there’s no better person to have on your side in the girl talk than her best friend.
7. Be a Gentleman
You’ve heard the saying, “nice guys finish last,” which in many cases can be true. However, those are the poor saps that make themselves doormats. You can be nice without being chucked into the friend zone, if you go about it the right way. Don’t be too overly-accommodating or bend over backwards doing sweet things for her, but don’t be a jerk thinking it will get her into bed. Treating her with respect always goes over well, opening doors is a fan favorite, telling her she looks nice never fails… simple stuff like that. If you strike a good balance between being polite but still being your own man, the nice guy won’t finish last, he’ll finish inside.
8. Chill Out
Nine times out of 10, persistence will get you the job, but it won’t get you the girl. Don’t incessantly Facebook-chat her, be sure to keep it to one text at a time, and if she doesn’t respond then just forget about her, she obviously doesn’t know a good thing when she sees it. Repeated invites and attempts can look desperate, or creepy. Jumping all over people and slobbering and demanding attention is only endearing when puppies do it, so be sure to hang back more often than not.
9. Be Patient
You might not strike gold with the first swing of your pick. If she says she’s not ready, be gracious and understanding. Don’t get mad, pout, beg, or throw a temper tantrum – girls can go elsewhere for a babysitting gig, and get paid for it. The good news is that chances are, if you’re cool about it, it’ll happen sooner than either of you think. Patience, says Gemma Downey, a junior at the University of Rhode Island, “definitely” pays off in the long run. “I think anytime anyone didn’t push me to do something, I just wanted to do it more.”
10. Be Modest
Confidence is one thing, cockiness is another. It’s real nice that you were the soccer team’s best defensive player in high school, but it doesn’t make for great party conversation. Girls don’t care about how expensive your watch is, or how many other girls you’ve slept with. Mention any of these things and you might as well spray girl repellent on your penis. Just be yourself and be cool, that will speak for itself. A junior at the University of Maryland College Park, said that humility is the most important trait to have of any of those listed above. “Not to count out all the other factors mentioned, but I think the ability to embody all or most of those characteristics and still remain humble takes a lot of self control and maturity. Since humility is a trait that is pretty hard to fake, it matters in the short term and the long term for any type of relationship.”
10 More Tips on How to Get Girls in College and Not Be a Jerk
Written by Laura Smythe.
From navigating Tinder and Bumble to just trying to figure out if that one girl in class will get coffee with you, dating in college feels more intimidating than the world’s worst finals week. It can be easier to fall into dating traps like playing hard to get, not showing your feelings or not valuing potential love interests. But when it really comes down to it, these “successful” dating strategies will leave you feeling lonelier than the history textbook you’ve barely touched this semester. Being disrespected simply won’t impress any college woman. Take it from University of British Columbia freshman Sherrisse Chu who thinks there’s “a stigma still that guys can date more people than girls. This has led to guys not taking relationships seriously and being total jerks.” Avoid becoming just another sketchy guy in the sea of almost daily headlines of harassment with these 10 ways to get a girl.
1. Plan Actual Dates
Say goodbye to the days where you’ll impress a girl with cheap beer at a house party (did they ever actually exist?). Showing you can plan a real date and put effort into organizing a fun outing works as a massive turn-on. When asking her out hit the three Ws: what, where and when. “I am more likely to say yes to a guy if he has an actual plan for the date, not just an open-ended idea of ‘Hey let’s go out sometime,’” Georgian College freshman Susan Baher said. “I’d prefer, ‘Hey do you want to go do this on this day?’ and that you aren’t playing phone tag with them.”
Not only does planning a real date show initiative but it illustrates you know the secret to making things fun and enjoy doing it. Also, be sure you make a multi-stage plan for your date. “You definitely can’t go on a date without having a plan for what to do next. You can’t just do one thing. If it’s your first date, the guy has to plan it. The best date I ever had we went to the ice skating rink, went to eat and then we went out and got a couple drinks,” Villanova University senior Mike Gaimari said. You hear that? That’s the sound of girls wanting to go on a second date with you. Try checking out a cool art show or doing something quirky like going to the shooting range. Top tier dating advice right here.
2. Communicate Like a Champ
Let’s be honest: Those three-word text replies with no effort put in to continuing a conversation just don’t cut it. Showing your communication skills to a girl you’re interested in makes for smooth sailing. Plus, you might be surprised at just how easy good communication can be. Be direct in making plans and keep a conversation going by showing your interest in her. Don’t leave her hanging without a reply to her text for a whole day. She sees that read receipt. If you’re busy, tell her you’re preoccupied but would love to continue chatting later. “Communication is key. Talk to your date. Ask them questions and find out their interests so you can plan a date around something that you both enjoy, or something that you both haven’t tried. At least if you both aren’t great at say, bowling, you can have a laugh at it and still have a good time,” Georgian College graduate student Cody Keeping said.
3. Don’t Play Games
Listen, girls have enough to stress out about without you adding to the pile. Find me one girl who actually enjoys playing mind games and I’ll give you a million bucks. College girls’ planners are filled with upcoming deadlines and obligations. Don’t waste their time with immature games like disappearing for a few days (no one likes a ghost) or being dishonest. Instead, be direct with your intentions. Don’t close yourself off one day and get mad she’s not calling you back two days later. Avoid being a hypocrite… no one likes them. “If one party is bothered by something, or needs something from the other, they need to speak up,” University of Maine freshman Diane Roberts said.
4. Show Interest in Her Life
Imagine having a conversation with someone who acts like they’d rather literally be doing anything else. What’s the fun in that? A major way to respectfully get girls is demonstrating interest in her day-to-day. Asking invested questions will move along conversation and knock your dating game out of the park. Even if the subject matter falls short of passing Jay-Z on the street or running into Michelle Obama on the subway, asking questions shows you want to be talking to her. That goes miles. “When my girlfriend and I started dating she was studying abroad. I would ask about Italy, what food she ate—the kind of stuff you know that she’ll answer. I did it just to talk,” Gaimari said
5. Pocket Your Phone
So, you asked her out, she miraculously said yes and now you’re sitting across from her at the sushi bar downtown trying to pretend you totally know how to use chopsticks. You feel your text alert go off in your pocket and start to pull out your phone — but wait! You’re better off leaving it exactly where it is. Don’t make her feel like now that she’s gone out with you your interest in her already dropped. Making conversation with you when you won’t get off your phone will make your date wonder why she didn’t use her free night to catch up on her latest Netflix binge show. No one wants to talk to a wall, and that’s how she’ll feel if you’re on the phone. “Challenge yourself and your partner to just enjoy each other without social media and cellphones,” Georgian College sophomore Emily Gauthier said. Pro tip: asking a girl out in person instead of online increases your chances of a ‘yes,’ too. Texting lives and breathes misinterpretation. You can’t always pick up on sarcasm or know what the person on the other end really means. “Face to face communication is so attractive. If a boy came up to me and told me I looked pretty, I would be so much more interested than if I got some gross DM,” Gauthier added.
6. Make Her Laugh
Everyone wants to meet that person who makes them laugh so hard it feels like an ab workout. Using humor really takes your dating game to the next level. “Being able to laugh and joke with someone is a huge aspect of a relationship. If you don’t have humor you can’t laugh or get the other person’s jokes. It will simply be a boring relationship,” University of Maine freshman Brett Harrell said. Kicking off conversation with a cheesy joke or silly reference easily tops an overused pick-up line she’ll recount in a cringe worthy text to her best friend. “The worse the joke the better. A good laugh is an amazing way to start a good goofy talk which can lead to something more,” Roberts said. Once you’re on a date, pay attention to what makes her smile. Does she dig sarcasm? Or, will an animated story about the gruelingly boring philosophy lecture you had this morning do the trick to send her into a fit of giggles? “Funny jokes are the best conversation starters. I feel like our generation is way too focused on inappropriate things and that’s everyone’s first shot.
7. Keep an Open Mind
The secret to achieving ultimate respectful dating wizard status lies in willingness to compromise. Especially when first trying things out with a girl, you want to make sure her voice gets heard. Don’t push your political views or force conversations on sensitive topics when you’re trying to find common ground. “Show respect, especially if you’re dating within different cultures. Many times it seems to be rude when a guy just starts talking suddenly in his own language. It feels as if he’s talking bad about me,” Georgian College sophomore Simmy Kaur said. Double check date activities sound like a fun way for both of you to spend your time. Also, don’t let any misconceptions of your masculinity affect how you two relate. “Be a warrior poet. That means you’re never ‘too manly’ to watch a chic-flick but never too weak to stand up for her,” University of Maine freshman Lucas Scher said.
8. Just Show Human Decency
Always remember to respect boundaries. Even in a hookup situation, don’t use sex as the focal point of all communications with a girl you’re interested in. Everyone deserves to be treated like a human being and with respect. Sex won’t magically solve all your problems. Also, having tons of sex doesn’t automatically translate into a great relationship. “The main issue with the dating scene is too many people on both sides trying too much to get laid and not hard enough trying to learn about each other,” Scher said. Also, if she shows she’s not into you, take the hint. If she says “no,” it means no. Don’t push her. Sending a fifth Facebook message saying “hey” won’t make her suddenly want to go out with you.
9. Be Confident
Give yourself a pep talk in the mirror or take a shot of Felix Felicis. If you don’t believe you should be asking this girl out, she won’t believe it either. Don’t be cocky but show her spending an evening on a date with you will actually make her life better. Be genuine. Walk up to her, smile, introduce yourself and strike up a conversation about anything interesting or relatable, like the latest viral meme. “I love talking about anything as long as it’s a civil conversation. I’ll talk about politics, economy, memes, cats– anything. Confidence is a big thing. Not necessarily confidence about looks or wealth, but more confident in opinions and beliefs,” Roberts said.
10. Make an Effort
With both of you juggling classes, work, internships and social lives, dating often takes a back seat. Putting in a little effort throughout the week to show her she’s on your mind will keep her smiling through the three exams she has before Friday. Don’t let the girl always put all the effort into hangouts. If you want to be the guy who gets the girl, ask her to hangout even if it’s a quick Tuesday morning coffee date between classes. “If a girl is interested, she’d love to see you even if it’s one hour here and there,” Gauthier said.
More on Sex & Dating in College
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More tips on not being “that guy.”
**Updated on February 9, 2018 to include 10 more tips by Laura Smythe.
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