Looks like someone’s been naughty. You watch your siblings open up their holiday presents, their smiles falling when they see that Abuelita Lola gave them–you guessed it–clothes. As you open up your wrapped present, hoping your holiday gift is far better than your siblings’. That is, until you look in and see…Well, let’s look at the alternatives here, shall we?
Why would you need socks when you already own a few good pairs? Of course, you might receive such a gift out of necessity and your aunt genuinely thought she picked a good gift. Instead of wowing the room with another pair of socks, gift trendy clothes or accessories. Subtly ask for rainbow colored socks, a snazzy sweatshirt or jeans that make your butt look like you actually have one.
2. Thumb War Wrestling Ring
What kind of joke is this? Oh, right, the one that’s not funny, at all. This game quenches the never-ending fire of fun in children for about five minutes before their quick minds realize what a dumb and cheap present this is. They don’t need a mini-wrestling ring to fight their battles. No, throw those kids into a real wrestling ring and make them fight to the death—just kidding. Instead, purchase tickets that let’s them see a real live match.
3. Tacky Christmas Sweaters
I know you have one of these hidden within the deepest, darkest bowels of your cluttered closet. Let’s have Vera Wang and the fashion moguls save poor souls from receiving such a terrible present on the holidays. Or not—give your friend an ugly sweater, but make it intentionally funny. A market is growing out there for the classic ugly Christmas sweater. Some designs look really cool, like this Wonder Woman. I’d proudly wear that sweater to my family Christmas parties, thank you very much.
What to get for the person who has everything? Easy: Nothing. This product actually exists for you to give away. It doesn’t do anything and there is nothing in it—just regular air. It serves no purpose but to show that many of us have everything we possibly ever want or need. This passive aggressive gift is perfect for the Grinch in your life. Pair it with socks to really show this person how you feel.
How naughty does a kid have to act to tick off his parents enough to give coal? This kick in the pants obviously hints to someone that his ‘tude needs a tune-up. A good alternative for this gift—I really don’t know what to tell you, guys. If you actually got coal under the Christmas tree, then you probably deserve it. Hopefully Abuelita Lola will take pity on the naughty never-do-well and decide to give socks.