College is an unusual time when society’s norms are put on hold. Late to class because you’re still drunk? Just sit in the back. Can’t find any cups? Tupperware containers will do. What’s that, you say? You’d rather plaster empty beer cases over your windows than buy curtains? Not a problem.
As beautiful as it is, those years slip by quickly — and just like that, you’re expected to be a normal human being again. Some of life's activities are filed strictly under “college,” and if you want to be accepted as a functioning adult, you better leave them there. Here are a few examples of things that just won’t fly in the real world.
1. Wearing workout clothes to your daily activities
Did she come from an intense Tae Bo class… or just roll out of bed? No one knows for sure.
2. Using empty liquor bottles for décor
During college: If the top of your boyfriend’s cabinets are lined with whiskey bottles, he’s a bro. Post-college: If the top of your boyfriend’s cabinets are lined with whiskey bottles, you've got two possible issues on your hand: alcoholism and/or a serious hoarding problem.
3. Taking unpaid jobs
Ah, getting paid in knowledge… like how to order an office-load of coffee at Starbucks. Aside from these four years (which are ironically the poorest of our lives), it’s completely asinine to be offered a job for no pay.
4. Midday naps
Tired? Good thing class only takes up 25% of your day, thus allowing plenty of time to go straight back to bed. Post-college, you’ve got to stick it out until FIVE FREAKING O’CLOCK.
5. Owning articles of clothing adorning your family tree
There aren’t grandbigs and great grandbigs in real life. Also, people will probably look at you funny if you continue to use large decoupaged letters as photo props.
6. Crashing at a party
Many a wild party-goer would rather pass out on a nearby couch than make the trek home. Most people take a quick inventory of their home’s inhabitants pre-bedtime. A stranger sleeping on your couch should warrant a call to the police; in college, it warrants a trip to the junk drawer for a pack of Sharpies to draw obscenities on said stranger’s face.
7. Sleeping in the library
You start out anticipating an all-nighter; inevitably, your studying concludes at 3a.m. and rather than go home and sleep in your bed like a normal person, you pass out at the desk just for that all-nighter badge of honor. In real life, being homeless is a prerequisite for sleeping in a library, so there’s that.
8. Grinding in clubs
This animalistic mating ritual can be observed in any bar within fifteen minutes of campus. Real world bars are reserved for more socially acceptable human interaction… like talking.
9. Buying cheap drinks
Say goodbye to the days of $1.00 rum and Cokes, because the rest of the world pays $4.00. PS. I know what you’re thinking… yes, flasks are also frowned upon.
10. Never cooking
Between an unlimited meal plan and the 7-Eleven across the street, most college students can go entire years without cooking meals. Add that to the long list of things that make the real world a struggle for us young people: no meal plan.
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