1. A Cocktail More Beautiful Than Beyoncé
Extra douche points if the cocktail is pictured in the sand with the caption “life is good.” It’s not that alcohol doesn’t exist the rest of the semester, it’s just that for some inexplicable reason it becomes more photogenic this time of year. If you didn’t Instagram it, you didn’t drink it. Which could be because it spilled onto the sand while you were in the process of determining the right angle at which to capture the maraschino cherry in your pina colada.
2. The Quintessential Group Pic
I’m assuming that most people know you didn’t trek all the way to Punta Cana and stay at an all-inclusive resort by yourself, but why take the chance? The Instagram group pic is the easiest way to tell the world Look! I have friends! without having to actually say anything.
3. The Beach at Sunrise
Determined to get at least one good photograph to send to your mother, you got up to go Instagram the sunrise. You’re not drunk yet. The beach is not littered with people who passed out on their towels. What a time to be alive.
4. The Beach at Sunset
For the large majority who slept through the sunrise, the sunset presents itself as a viable alternative and equally Instagrammable opportunity. At this point, you might be a lil tipsy from the day’s festivities. Never fear: with a few good filters and adjusting the lux setting a few points, no one will be able to tell that the sun you photographed looks more like a red blur than an actual sun.
5. Hotdogs or Legs???
Unless this is actually a legitimate picture of hotdogs, in which case props to the photographer with a sense of humor, no one is fooled. Human legs in no way resemble hotdogs, largely due to the kneecap protruding from their middle.
6. A Well-Filtered, Well-Angled Bikini Selfie
Not leaving an unflattering angle to chance at the hands of an unskilled photographer who doesn’t know how to capture the right side, this is a common practice for many. PSA: if it was taken the first couple of days of the break, you can bet that there are a couple filters slapped on to make the subject look tanner. No one is a natural Valencia after 20 minutes in Miami.
7. The Scenic Cliché
A lone beach chair. A palm tree. A sailboat in the distance. A sign in some foreign language that you don’t understand but are almost positive has a deep meaning. We get it, you’re artsy and above the standard spring break Instagrams.
8. Overpriced Brunch
Often accompanied by a caption reading “recovery #blessed”, this Instagram serves to prove that yes, you did consume something other than chips and salsa during your week-long vacation. It also serves to show that a small miracle was performed as your entire crew was somehow able to defy their hangovers and stumble far enough into the real world to find an Instagrammable brunch place.
9. I’m on a Boat
The person who Instagrammed this is living the prophetic words of The Lonely Island and wants everyone to know it, even though they themselves probably don’t know the origins of the song.
10. The Snapchat Screenshot
Drunk Instagram. Will probably be deleted within 10 hours of posting.