Ah, the post-Valentine’s Week slump. For those of you in relationships you know that the ooey-gooey love stuff tends to slow down after the big night. You’re back to countless petty arguments over what to do, where to go, what to watch; the list goes on and on. Don’t worry. These arguments are totally normal. Before you lose your voice from fighting, check out the most common sources of relationship rage.
Damn you for having so many options.
It’s hard enough to choose when I’m alone, but reaching a consensus with two people is nearly impossible. Even if you do agree on a genre, chances are you won’t want to watch the same thing. And don’t even bother using Max, Netflix’s new system to help you pick what to watch. Max has a very hard time picking things that A) one of you hasn’t already seen and B) aren’t some bizarre indie flick from the early 2000’s.
2. The Landing Pad
My place, my rules. Your place, still my rules.
I like my apartment. I like my couch, my TV, my food, my bathroom, my bed and my pillows. I do not want to spend every day at your place. You run out of toilet paper and my feet stick to the floor. But you like your place for the same reason I like mine – it’s yours. Sharing is caring though, so lets learn to alternate before somebody gets hurt.
Hanger is a very real enemy.
This is probably the primary cause of arguments in my relationship. When I’m hungry, I really don’t care where we eat, I just want nourishment. This can lead to some serious in-the-car-bickering as we search for an option that is affordable, tasty and in the vicinity. Never fear, this argument usually clears itself up after the second piece of pizza (especially if he’s buying).
Rum? Vodka? Bourbon? Water?
So you’re going out with the SO for the night and you want to hit up the store ahead of time. But what to get? Are you in a wine or beer mood? Mixed drinks or mocktails? When it gets tough, I go with a variety of airplane bottles to please the whole crowd. After a few of those babies you’ll forget you ever argued.
5. Taking things too far
Did you really just do that?
I’ve said, “I am not a boy” half a hundred times. Things can get a little out of control when you’re play wrestling, play fighting or doing any kind of competition. Remember that even if it starts off as a joke, it only counts as one if it’s still a joke at the end. Taking things too far can ruin a great afternoon, so keep yourself (and your words) in check to avoid a blow up.
6. The Ex
“You’ve got a text, want me to read it to you?” “NOOOOO!”
The dreaded Ex-Text. Whether she was just texting to say what’s up, or to profess her undying love, it’s never good. The conversation with your SO afterward can be awkward, but if you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to hide. If something shady is going on; it’s probably time to move on. Just remember, innocent until proven guilty.
7. Song Lyrics
“She is definitely saying ‘Got a Lot of Starbucks Lovers.’” “No, it’s ‘Long List of Ex-Lovers.’”
I can’t count how many times I’ve had this fight, not just with a boyfriend, but with anyone around me. I might not be right about the lyrics, but I will die defending whatever I think the song is saying. Unfortunately, smartphones exist and it is way too easy to be proven wrong. This one isn’t a big fight usually, but the gloating can seem endless.
8. I Told You So
“You probably don’t want to do that…” “Yes I do…OW!”
We forget that our SO’s know us as well as we know ourselves, and sometimes even better. I’ll be the first to admit that I make a lot of poor decisions. If you tell me not to do something, I’ll probably do it anyways. But when it goes wrong I will probably pretend that I wanted it to happen that way. Better to go down fighting than to admit you’re wrong…right?
9. The Toilet Seat
The infamous 2a.m. splash
Why can’t boys learn to put down the seat? It literally takes the nudge of the tip of a finger and it will close. And yet, I still find myself periodically sitting on the bowl. Do you know how many gross boy germs are on that thing? I don’t know anyone who hasn’t argued with an SO at least once, but at least we’re in good company. This fight has been raging since the creation of the flip-up seat.
“Did you just look at my cards?” “No….yes.”
This one really depends on the nature of the cheating. If there are some outside-the-relationship shenanigans going on, that’s probably a bigger argument than I can advise you on.
I am notorious for cheating at board games. I mean, I’m really, really bad about cheating, especially with Scrabble. There is just something about triumphing over your SO in a totally childish way. Monopoly? Your hotel is mine. Clue? Your cards are not safe while you’re in the bathroom. Solitaire? I bet I can do it faster.
Yes, I do have a problem.
Kiss and Make Up
Now that you’ve dueled it out, how do you make up? Junior Engineering student IC* said, “We usually just have a lot of sex. The rougher the better.” Good for you, IC. For Junior Economics student CJ*, the sex comes a little later: “We always talk in person until one or both of us apologizes. Then comes the hookup.” Looks like there may be a common theme here…
*Names withheld to protect relationships.