The Player’s Guide to Finding Love

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No, I am not a player, but I‘ve dated many girls. I’ve found relationships through mutual friends of friends, encounters at social events, social media and around campus. What makes a man confident enough to date often in college and keep going? Persistence, patience and letting each new girl find you.

1. Scope Out The Scene

You know the cute girl you’ve been staring at in the first week of biology class? Go ahead and get familiar with her. She could be your new friend, your future wife or she could be…taken. If you want to get the girl, go talk to her and be yourself. See what could when you take the first in step in understanding who she is and what she’s all about.

2. Start New

In college, you choose who you want to be and whom you want to be with. If a girl doesn’t appreciate your time, don’t bother with her. Two years ago, I talked to a girl for a few months and we got really close, but right around Valentine’s Day she decided to get back with her ex. Today, I laugh at the fact that everything happens for a reason and that if people want to leave and go back to a previous relationship, let them. Life’s too short to hold onto grudges or pining after lost loves.

3. Presenting, You!

Appearance isn’t everything, but a change of wardrobe never hurt anybody in the long run. Keep your hygiene in tip-top shape, your hair groomed and feel good in what you wear so she’ll notice you first. An ironed button-up shirt, a pair of jeans and clean pair of sneakers can attract a potential partner, but a suit will make girls fall over for you. There’s no better feeling than when a girl is on the phone when you’re in a business suit as she stops mid-sentence to check you out. When Florida State University senior Damian Farmer met his girlfriend he wore, basketball shorts, a t-shirt, a cap and tennis shoes. “She said that the way I approached her—she’d never [experienced that] before,” Farmer said. Love can be found anywhere you go. It doesn’t matter what you’re wearing but the effort you put into getting to know someone.

4. Know Who You’re Dating

What kind of clothes does she wear? How does she wear them? Does she have manners? Is she confident? Ask these vital questions before calling a girl, a girlfriend. You can’t just look at each other forever and not speak; that’s like dating a mannequin or talking to a wall. If your conversations go nowhere, your relationship won’t go very far either. Find some common ground because the person you’re with should have more than just a pretty face. “I had dealt with other girls but they didn’t have the intellectual qualities Ericka had that stimulated my mind. We were talking for month when I knew this is the girl I wanted,” said Bainbridge State College freshman Cameron Fountain. Fountain’s connection with his girlfriend developed through time and understanding, and your potential relationships can too.

5. Protect Your Heart

My sister always told me to protect my heart. Your heart is a valuable treasure and you cannot just let every person interested steal a piece. In the process of a relationship, there will be times when both of you can’t see eye-to-eye. Sometimes I’ve had to compromise with my girlfriend and other times I feel my way wasn’t wrong and stood my ground. If the girl is worth the time, go for broke and continue to work together, keep your key close and your heart locked up when the answer is no.

6. Don’t Rush the Relationship

Before you jump the gun and take your girlfriend to mom and dad, get to know her. Goals, values, dreams, pet names, pets’ names, best high school memories—ask about everything she’s willing to talk about. Hanging out at her place all the time may seem fun at first, but it’s probably not the best idea. Don’t get too serious and head to the altar too fast; after all, it’s still college.

7. Don’t Beat Yourself Up

Don’t sweat the small stuff. A year ago, one girl called me a distraction, saying she wasn’t focused on school like she should be. I can understand that studying should be the main focus of going to school; it’s not bad to have small disagreements in a relationship as long as you communicate. Like any good partner would, I agreed we should take a small break, which turned into a breakup. The next time I saw her was with another man coming out of a movie theater. Take it as a sign when relationships don’t work that it’s time to find another one or stop, take your time and relax.

8. Admit The Single Life Isn’t That Bad

If you find yourself single for a little while, be okay with it. You get to know what you want in your life, your future partner, your new hobby and most importantly, focus on your education. You don’t have to be in a relationship to feel happy or satisfied, that’s why you have friends who’ll be there for you. I hang out more with my friends when I’m not in a relationship because I can talk about what’s happening in my life and my next move.

9. Be Friends…with Your Ex?

You just broke up with your girlfriend. What happens now? Trying to be friends with your ex is like playing with fire. You might not get burned the first time, but when you do you’ll remember. How you end a relationship will determine how a friendship might go. If she wants to be friends with benefits, then it would be a bad idea for you to be friends. If the ex wants to be friends to be a genuine support system, then be actual friends. There’s always that slight tension for people who still keep in contact, so most times it’s better to let go and move on.

10. You’re Officially Ready

By the time you finish your college years, you’ll find that life goes on and that someone will eventually break the tireless cycle of relationships and breakups in college. It may be after you graduate or it may be that girl you talked to in your dorm while playing pool. But for the time being, there’s an open field of possibility when it comes to finding a partner and falling in love. Oh look, there goes another pretty girl, excuse me while I work my magic.

Senior studying Creative Writing at Florida State University. Loves writing short stories, poems, songs. Music enthusiast, movie goer, and all time sociable observer of life.

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