Raise your hand if you totally forgot about Father’s Day. Yeah, I thought so. Rather than sprinting to the nearest department store and buying the first pair of cheap socks you find under the cheesy Father’s Day display, check out these clever gifts. The laughs you’ll get will guarantee your money will be well spent.
1.You Parked Like an Idiot Business Cards
Finding parking feels hard enough, but add in people who can’t seem to stay in the lines and it’s 10 times worse. I seriously don’t know how many times I wish I could leave a passive aggressive note on the other car. As someone who’s undoubtedly dealt with countless dents and broken taillights thanks to other crappy drivers, your dad will go through these cards like water.
Price: $10.992. That’s Bullshit! Button
Does your dad ever show you random articles debating about whether or not coffee causes cancer on Facebook and rant all about their ridiculousness? Are you sick of listening to your irritating older cousin humble brag about her clearly false “accomplishments” like that “run in” with George Clooney last year? Instead of suffering through her fabricated stories while merely exchanging eye rolls, your dad can call her bullshit right away. Of course, he might use it to call you out whenever you disagree. “But Dad, I got a C in history because the professor hated me.” Instead of hearing the usual, “Well if you tried a little harder…” you’ll receive the button’s response. At least he’ll remember it was a gift from his favorite kid and go easy on you.
Price: $9.99
3. I’m Your Favorite Child Funny Glass Coffee Mug
You know that you’re the favorite child, so you might as well loudly proclaim it to everyone at the breakfast table. After all, your dad surely needs his morning coffee to function and with this mug he’ll remember with every sip of deliciousness that you’re the wonderful soul who gifted him this amazing coffee holder. If all else fails, this mug will serve as a reminder of who your dad loves most the next time you Facetime home begging for money yet again. How can he deny your cute little face?
Price: 19.874. Accoutrements Yodeling Pickle
Why a yodeling pickle, you ask? Well, why not? No dad truly remembers what his favorite Father’s Day tie looked like, but he’ll surely treasure this ridiculous gift. It will come in handy as a conversation starter during the next awkward family gathering. Also, just imagine how much fun it’ll be to listen to this pickle yodel while sitting wasted together around the table? Just a thought…
Price: $11.52
5. Ear No Evil Trump BS Ear Protectors
This gift sounds so amazing I want one for myself. I’m sick of listening to Trump and I can bet your dad (hell everyone) feels the same way. Instead of desperately wishing he could wash out his ears, these will allow Dad some much needed peace and quiet. Of course, he might use this to tune you out but you can think of that as a chance to do whatever the hell you want. Impromptu basement beer pong party, anyone? Hey, if he didn’t hear it, then it didn’t happen.
6. BigMouth Inc 100 Dollar Money Funny Toilet Paper
You know how your dad always said he wasn’t made of money as a response to practically anything you asked for? This won’t make him automatically rich, but it’ll sure as hell make you laugh when he rips off a “$100 bill” the next time you need money. Dad could also pretend to roll around in money like villains do in movies, cackling madly. Who says pretending to be rich can’t be fun?
Price: $8.997. Accoutrements Waxed Bacon Floss
Who doesn’t love bacon? Making time to floss every night feels like a chore, but with this yummy flavored floss this pesky task will fly away faster than the threat of cavities. It’ll give you the taste of bacon with none of the calories. Ok, so it’s no substitution for the real thing but you can always pretend.
Price: $4.88
8.
How To Traumatize Your Children Book
With tips on how to “give your children the lifelong gifts of mental and emotional damage,” this sarcastic book will give your dad a much-needed laugh. Don’t forget to read the book yourself so that you’ll remain totally immune to your dad’s attempts at following the book’s suggestions. Even better? You can use this book to help your dad screw around with your younger siblings. That’s what they get for totally taking over your room while you’re away at school.
Price: $8.47
9. Sarcastic Comment T-Shirt
Why do dads either come up with the most off-topic responses or a lecture-y comment to everything? Mine particularly loves to respond with a lame dad joke…10 minutes after the conversation ended. Their brains probably don’t work as fast as ours do, because after all dads are like a 100 years-old. At least with this shirt he can just point to it as an excuse for sounding boring.
Price: $7.50-$16.51
10. Fake Parking Tickets
Has your dad ever bragged about how he’s such a good driver he’s never gotten a ticket? BS, am I right? Stick one of these on his car and watch as his face grows from red to purple with rage. Don’t forget to disguise your handwriting so he won’t know you left it. Best of all, once he finds out he doesn’t actually owe money, you’ll all get a good laugh over it. If not, remind your dad about his awesome sense of humor and how much you love him.
Price: $5.36
