Worst V-Day Gifts for Your Girl

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Guys, Valentine's Day is tomorrow and let me guess, you still don’t have a gift for your lady. You probably plan on running to your nearest supermarket or pharmacy to pick up some chocolate and call it a day, and then act really disappointed when she doesn’t totally love it. Well, here’s a shocker: a college gal’s expectations on Valentine's Day aren’t usually that high, but they’re not that low either. All you have to do is put a little thought into it, and venture out further than your neighborhood CVS. Below are some of the worst gifts you could get your girl so boys, read up! Ladies tell me if I missed anything!

Random Objects in the Shape of a Heart

Just because something is shaped like a heart doesn’t mean it’s the perfect Valentine’s Day gift for your girlfriend. What is she supposed to do with a heart-shaped paper weight? (I have literally gotten this as a V-day gift!) 

Naming a Star After Her

For the low price of $19.95, a countless number of web sites and companies will "officially register" the name of a star for you and send you a handsome certificate saying as much. How can they do such an amazing thing for such an amazing price, you ask? Well, they can't — and they don't. The International Astronomical Union is in charge of that sort of thing and they can't be bought off. Don't think you will skate by with the old it's-the-thought-that-counts maneuver, either. In the end, your gift is a very fancy piece of paper–a very fancy piece of paper with no redeemable cash value.

Anything That Looks Like it Comes from a Convenience Store or a Gas Station

Sure, we all might have a soft spot in our hearts for last-minute spontaneity, but two packs of Juicy Fruit and a Zippo lighter isn't exactly what we have in mind. And as much as I love marshmallow Snowballs, those don’t count either. If you’re going to get candy, go with the good stuff like Godiva, Lindt, or at least Russell Stover.

A Vacuum Cleaner… 

Or any household cleaning products that you think would constitute a funny “housewife” joke. Believe it or not, trying to pass cleaning supplies off as an acceptable gift will not result in us volunteering to come over and clean your dorm room on a weekly basis. 

A Gag Gift

In case you didn’t know, girls take Valentine's Day much more seriously than guys do. If you buy your girlfriend something like a blowup doll, she'll freak out. Even if she has some sense of humor and understands your intentions, she might still be upset because you didn't take things as seriously as you should have. Just order flowers. It’s that easy. 

A Membership to the Gym 

There is a fairly good chance she’ll physically hurt you for this gift. No matter how good your intentions, Valentine’s Day is NOT an opportunity to gently suggest that your Valentine could stand to lose a few pounds before spring break. NEVER DO THIS. EVER.


This is by far the worst thing in the world you can get for your girlfriend. If you do absolutely nothing for her on Valentine's Day, she'll be crushed. Even super last minute gifts like a handmade card or an impromptu One Direction song serenade are better than nothing. Heck, even the Juicy Fruit is better than nothing!

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