What Your Drink Says About You

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People watching is probably the most entertainting past-time, and what better place to do it than at a college bar, where you're bound to find some very interesting college students and, of couse, the token creepy locals. If you're a professional people-watcher like myself, you often delve deeper than the surface; studying body language and the ancient art of drink-analyzing. Every drink says something different. Check out our professional psychoanalysis below to further your people-watching skills and to see what people are saying about you as well.

Piña Colada

Do you also like getting caught in the rain? How cute.

Sex On the Beach

You and your girlfriends stood at the bar and thought it would be really cute to order this. Oh my god, the name is so scandalous. We’ve all been there.

Hot Toddy

You are my mom!

Irish Coffee

You’re fifty years old, it’s after dinner and you’re feeling friskaaay. Or it’s 9 AM and you are an alcoholic.

Apple Martini/Manhattan/Cosmopolitan

You may be one of those people who try to define themselves by whether they are a “Carrie”, a “Samantha” or a “Charlotte”. I leave out Miranda only because I’ve never met anyone who labeled herself a Miranda.

Bloody Mary

You are either hungover or you really like tomato juice I guess. Do these remind anyone else exclusively of the scene in The Parent Trap when the mom orders one? Back before we knew what a hangover was….oh, to be young.


You are the grandmother from the Princess Diaries (book, not the movie).


You are a very dignified old man who is afraid that his daughter’s marriage will bring shame unto his family.

Long Island Iced Tea

You are me, happily drunk at Applebees.

Mudslide/White Russian

Clearly you have an enormous sweet tooth. Either that, or you are on some sort of snowy alpine vacation. I’ve never seen someone ask for one of these at their local bar, but I’d love to see the bartender’s reaction.


Ah, two more tropical Applebees favorites. If you’re feeling saucy, go for the Corona-rita like Snooki.

Irish Car Bomb/Sake Bomb

You like your beer mixed with shots and you also like to chug. Rapidly.

Any of the Following Shots:

  • Blowjob
  • Jello Shot
  • Red-headed slut
  • Liquid cocaine

You are probably a) out to drink aggressively or b) already very drunk.


Image: Ubran Mogul Life

Junior > Communications > Boston College

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