There are exactly 12,391 articles out there about things to look forward to in 2013. So after 10 of those, you can start assuming they will all generally be about the same couple of things (note: this is also the same logic freshmen can use when reading textbooks for Sociology 101).
2013 has already been off to a great start, with Tina Fey and Amy Poehler hosting the Golden Globes and the second season premiere of “Girls.” We’re looking at the birth of a royal, “Arrested Development” returning, “Anchorman 2” and “Monsters University”, the likely creation of the iPhone 6, and “Kimye’s” baby coming into this world decked out in Gucci.
Instead of presenting everyone with things we could look forward to in 2013, we give you 10 things we only wish we could look forward to in 2013. I mean, Bart and Lisa Simpson both graduate from high school in 2013, according to Professor Frink’s future-predicting machine in the 2005 episode, “Future-Drama,” of “The Simpsons.” But what else?
1. Blue Ivy sings the National Anthem
At this year’s Superbowl halftime, we’re hoping they’ll announce a moment of silence for everyone to worship Beyonce. And then she will walk onstage, carrying baby Blue. And Blue will just belt it out, proving herself the baby of Beyonce and Jay-Z. She turned 1 last week, so her vocal chords should be ready, right?
2. Gun control laws
3. The One with the Friends Reunion
These mini-reunions are not cutting it. “Dirt,” “Cougar Town,” and “Web Therapy” are great shows, but nothing will ever be better than Friends. Matthew Perry was quick to dismiss rumors when this poster hit the Internet last year, so we’re left with only reruns for now.
4. College tuition goes down
Otherwise we’ll stop paying our loans sometime in our thirties? That’s fantastic.
5. The IKEA monkey gets his own reality show
If Honey Boo Boo can entertain us that much, the monkey should get a show. After all, “Jersey Shore” is over so people with no lives will have too much free time.
6. A law is passed for podcasts to be mandatory
Alternatively, Obama could consider one that bans all morning classes.
7. Harry and Louis are actually romantically involved
Millions of teenage girls will just implode in absolute fury. The rest of the world will be divided between the I-told-you-so’s and the I-don’t-give-a-flying-F’s.
8. Siri answers some real questions
Remake the technology, Apple. Siri needs to tell us when our dates are probably going to be total duds and what exercises to do that aren’t too much like exercise.
9. Remake of all other 90s shows too
Why stop at “Girl Meets World”? Let’s do sequels to the rest of the best like “Fresh Prince of Bel-Air” and “Full House.” Or at the very least, film season four of “The OC” again and make Marissa come back to life.
10. Insta-sober anything
It could be a pill, a coffee drink, or even a syringe shot. There needs to be something that immediately sets your BAC back.
Image: NY Daily News