The Not-So-Important Numbers in Your Relationship

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No question is a stupid question; it’s the answers that can be the culprit. Eager to ask a slew of questions concerning the past of a potential suitor, we must be weary of the weight we place on the answers; especially the numerical ones.  The best answers do not include numbers; the precision of them alludes to measurement. Measuring a person by the numbers of their life is tame, narrow and worthless.

How many people have you had sex with?

What are you looking for? The turn-over rate? That’s encouraging. The amount of people another had sex with does not matter. A curious question to ask, I confess, but do not place any bets on the answer to symbolize something else. The question shouldn’t be about how many people, but rather if they’ve been tested. Sure, the more people one has slept with increases the chances of STDs, but there is always that unlucky guy who only slept with the unsuspecting infected partner. So instead of judging someone if they are promiscuous or prude, make sure their health is in check and subsequently yours.

How long was your longest relationship?

If there is anything in life that teaches someone that “sh*t happens” it’s the length or lack of it in relationships. By the time you are in your early 20s you are almost always dating someone’s ex. Everyone has a broken heart story, whether it was long distance, different life paths, a cheater, etc. – there are many variables that determined the length and end of a relationship. Length declares nothing about the quality. Sometimes the best affairs only last for those summer months. Quantity of days does not equate to the quality of that time spent. In short, length means nothing.  Next question.

How many relationships have you had?

First of all define “relationship”. Second of all, what in the hell? As if it matters. It’s like asking “how many best friends have you had?” to a new friend. When we make new friends we don’t care about their past friendships, we focus on the trust, good times and loyalty they offer. The same goes for relationships. The answer to this question holds nothing of value.

How many people have you hooked up with?

Being in college I assume some of us have stopped counting. Don’t make people count. It’s just cruel. I still have to use my fingers. Switch this question with “where was the best place you hooked up?” and challenge it. Now we’re having fun.

How old are you?

Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it. Rejecting someone based on age is limiting your potential for adventure and life experience. Not to mention, you might find there is more responsibility in youth and childish play in age. Nothin’ like role reversal to slap societal standards around.

How Much Do You Make?

How about the question “What do you make?” as in, do you make me smile? Laugh? Feel safe? or how about “Do you make pancakes in the morning?  Sandcastles at the beach? A fort with sheets? Lemonade out of lemons?”  Your potential suitor is an investment of time and the return isn’t in the tangible gifts they give you, rather in the intangible moments of how they make you feel.


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Senior > International Business and Italian > Loyola University Maryland

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