Admit it, you’ve had that moment. You’re studying biology – until you remember the two lovebirds you met at your internship last summer…did they ever get married? And your high school friend’s crazy ex-girlfriend…did she ever realize that he broke up with her? Before you know it, biology lecture slides become your Facebook newsfeed, and in place of Mendelian Genetics, you’re searching up “Melanie Gilbert,” expecting to see a satisfying page filled with enough cringe-worthy statuses and selfies to last until you start panicking about the midterm scheduled for tomorrow. But instead of the mirror photos you’ve grown to love, “__ mutual friends”– horror of horrors –appears, under her college name. You know what that means…you’ve been un-friended. As if on cue, the 6 stages of being un-friended begin:
Stage 1 – Questioning the situation
You and Melanie are still friends, so this must be a glitch. You click on her name– but no, her “YR1SELFEES” album is hidden from your view. She must have another profile; this must be the wrong person. Maybe if you just try logging out and signing in again, you’ll be able to see her profile. She can’t have un-friended you; you once traded sandwiches in the fourth grade.
Stage 2 – Questioning your entire relationship.
How could she un-friend you? Melanie sent you that friend request first. Sure, you never talked to each other after sophomore year of high school, but through mobile uploads, you’ve been with her cat from the day he came home from the humane society. You even showed your hallmates the post-surgery photo of her cat wearing a blue cast. You at least deserved a goodbye. You don’t post much on Facebook, so if anyone were to do the un-friending, it should’ve been you.
Stage 3 – Questioning your life.
This is your fault. You shouldn’t have posted that album of study abroad photos. Or maybe you shouldn’t have let your roommate tag you in that not-so-politically-correct status, because certainly that’s what pushed things toward un-friending. Why don’t you review tags before accepting them? You should just delete your Facebook; you don’t even deserve to be part of your college class’ Facebook group.
Stage 4 – Questioning Facebook.
Why are you basing your life worth on friend requests? Why do you care about some person you no longer talk to? Why did your hallmates like that cat photo so much, anyways?
Stage 5 – Questioning your priorities.
People are nicer on Tumblr. Why aren’t you on Tumblr right now? Scratch that…why aren’t you studying right now?
Stage 6 – Checking notifications.
Event invitation – “Free Yogurt on Campus!” Good thing you’ve got your priorities straight: Who cares about friends when you can have free yogurt?
Stage 7 – Forgetting.
An old friend asks you what happened to that girl, you honestly can’t even remember where she goes to college. But you’ll never forget her cat.