Talk Dirty to Me

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As students with free Wi-Fi on campus and very thin dorm walls, the opportunities to observe dirty talk is abundant, but what constitutes the difference between talk in the bedroom and “dirty” talk? How do students feel about the use of it during sex? And as all your blood is pumping to one specific area of your body, is it excusable to not be able to mentally perform in sex, as well?    

Dirty talk is one of the most taboo acts in sex. While you may be verbal in the boudoir, the discussion of dirty talk outside of the bedroom is a topic usually shunned. Magazines such as Cosmopolitan strive to make the dirty talk experience more accessible, and therefore, more enjoyable, but the real question for college students becomes less of a “how-to” and more of a “how do we define ‘dirty talk’?”

Dirty talk relies on varying factors, factors that decide whether what is being said is more instruction or ‘dirty.’

“I think there are levels of dirty talk. Those levels depend on the level of sexual openness of an individual,” says Elisabetta Pipia, a student at St. John’s University. While dirty talk may rely on an individual’s openness, the sexual satisfaction of the individual relies on both the agreement of what the individual wants and what their partner is willing to perform. 

Aline P. Zoldbrod, PhD, sex therapist and author of Sex Talk: Uncensored Exercises for Exploring What Really Turns You On says"The key is to determine what you feel good doing and what your man wants to hear, then work from there."  Dirty talk is the ultimate form of communication in the bedroom, a way to communicate your wants and needs to your partner, a pep talk for a college student’s most accessible physical activity, sex. In more ways than one, dirty talk is a form of public speaking.

Dirty talk has similar characteristics to public speaking. It can come in different forms, varying from informal to formal. Confidence is necessary, as well as, the ability to support what you’re saying. Unlike public speaking, though, the audience in their underwear is not just a figment of the imagination, but a reality.

While some students feel dirty talk is necessary during sex, others feel that sex is good enough as just that, sex, says Michael Sellari, a junior from Emerson University.  “People feel they need to say something, rather than they should say something. They fish for the best line that they can think of in the moment, but there really is no perfect thing to say.”

Just like sex, dirty talk is both an act that needs to be eased into and an act that requires the consent of the individuals involved. Every individual has different quirks and desires when it comes to sex, so does dirty talking really enhance the sexual experience? It varies. As any expert in public speaking knows, the most important part when making a speech is to keep your audience in mind. 

Junior > English & Spanish > Drew University

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