Breaking up is one of the hardest times to cope with, and can be a real self-esteem killer. Even if you are the “dumper,” there are so many things in your life that will now be different without this person who you have been with consistently for so long. Like the dumpee, you will find yourself lonely and sad at times, but you do have the upper hand. Many people who break up with their significant others have a tendency to jump back into a relationship, or tell the whole world about their secret crush on the cutie from English class. Unfortunately, the decent thing to do would be to give the “dumpee” time to recuperate without throwing a new girl or guy in his or her face.
“Rebound girls help you get your mind off your ex and start fresh,” said Larry Sawyer, a senior communications major at Quinnipiac University. Sawyer opened up about how he thinks a rebound is a helpful tactic after a break-up; “As long as she knows that she’s a rebound then no harm, no foul. No one is looking to jump right back into a relationship, it’s purely to satisfy certain needs!”
But how soon is too soon?
There has always been a lot of controversy among couples regarding how long they should wait before beginning to date again. Many people will say to wait a couple of months; others will say that a rebound is the only way to get over an ex. One of the most important factors in the rebound equation is considering the amount of time the relationship lasted. If you dated for a year, then you should probably wait at least 2 months before publicly displaying that new beau on your arm; if you dated for two weeks, you may not need to wait longer than the weekend. This does not just apply for those who are doing the breaking up, but also, for those that were broken up with.
“My last relationship was about four months long. How long you should wait depends on how emotionally involved you were. So in my case, I only waited about a month or so,” revealed SUNY Oneonta junior, Kailyn Welling. “I didn’t have a rebound and I don’t really believe in them. If you have feelings for someone, they don’t go away with the help of another guy; you work your way through them yourself.”
Waiting a while before putting yourself out there again has many benefits. Remember, that right after a relationship, our hearts are vulnerable. Of course it is okay to go to a party and hook up every now and then, but consistently hooking up with the same guy or girl every single night, will most likely result in sparks flying and then a full-out bonfire, for at least one of the parties involved.
The problem with rebound relationships is similar to the problem with retail therapy. What happens when we are really upset and we take our problems out at the mall? We end up spending money we don’t have on things we don’t need and we will usually regret it when our next car payment comes in the mail. Immediately following a break up, we want to be loved and held, but what we don’t realize is that the break up is good for us. It is so easy to lose yourself during a relationship and being independent for a while can help regroup.
The verdict: rebound relationships, while fun and seemingly, a relief to your break-up pain, never really work to replace your lost partner. They can provide temporary relief, but you need to give yourself time between relationships in order to fully develop something meaningful, and being single—even for a little while– helps you focus on growing as a self-sufficient person.