One Lady Is Gaga For Harvard Grads

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I’m usually not one to spread celebrity gossip, but this is too good to not share with the CM community. Plus, it pertains directly to one of the United States’ most prominent learning institutions: Harvard University. The value of a Harvard degree just increased one hundredfold thanks to an endorsement from one of the most powerful celebrities in the world.
In an interview with British tabloid The Sun, Lady Gaga revealed what she looks for in a man: “It ranges from a really big d*** to a degree at Harvard… [Plus] talent and perseverance and pushing the boundaries of love and acceptance.”
Listen up Crimson men: you now have the best backup plan ever conceived at your fingertips. If your planned careers as doctors, lawyers and CEOs of Facebook don’t work out, Lady Gaga is looking to play a lovegame with you. Even if you don’t happen to have her other dating qualifications, whip out that Harvard degree and you already have an advantage over anyone else who wants to dance in the dark with Gaga.
The Harvard Crimson said it best: “So keep on spending hours on psets, studying for finals, and writing papers. You might end up nailing a bad romance.”
Don’t get too idealistic though. Even with a Harvard degree in hand, your chances of getting Gaga to settle down are minimal.
“I’m not ready to buy a house,” she told The Sun. “It feels like marriage or something. It’s such a commitment, I don’t like it…I also just really fear domestication.”
Any one man who tames that woman won’t be on the edge of glory anymore. He’ll be so far over that edge he won’t be able to create a poker face that can properly hide his self-satisfaction from the paparazzi. Whether it’s him or capital HIM that gets Gaga to settle down one day, one thing’s for sure: it’s going to take more than a government hooker with a Harvard degree to make her marry the night (I’m done now, I promise).
Photo: petercruise at

Junior > Journalism > University of Maryland

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