Love or Obsession? Sometimes It’s Hard to Tell

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“Hold on, let me see if my girlfriend will allow this.” “I can’t go out tonight; my boyfriend is out with the guys and doesn’t want me at a party without him.” 

Do any of these phrases sound familiar? If the answer is yes, there is a chance that a dangerous relationship is right around the corner. 

Many people do not realize that they are spiraling down a never-ending relationship vortex. The longer they stay in it and play by their significant other’s rules, the faster it spins and the more they get trapped. Take a step back and contemplate the following warning signs; if they sound too close to home, relationship re-evaluation may be in dire need.

Possessive

Both guys and girls have a tendency to be a little protective over their loved one. Even if they do not say it, they are scared to lose this person and be alone. Protective and possessive, however, are two very different qualities. Signs that a boyfriend or girlfriend is becoming possessive are overcalling and requesting constant updates about what you’re doing.

Jessica Nersesian, a senior education major at The University of Scranton, experienced this when dating a guy who was two years older than her. They dated for a while, but ultimately he became so manipulative and obsessive that she had to break away. “The longer we were together, the more controlling he got. He eventually drove away my friends and family,” Jessica shared. “He would constantly check my phone, but turn his off at night. I couldn’t go to any parties or talk to other guys and when I did go out he would pick me up and drop me off.”

Dan McAuliffe, a second-year criminal justice major at Westchester Community College, expressed that “once everything becomes expected,” it is apparent that a relationship is doomed.  Dan dated his ex-girlfriend for a little over a year until he finally broke things off. After the first six months, she began to dictate who he could and couldn’t hang out with or even do homework with. “Once she had to come with me to the library to meet my partners because they both happened to be female.”

Fear of Saying/ Doing Something Wrong

Couples fight; it’s inevitable. But if one person is going to the end of the earth to avoid confrontation because he/she isn’t sure how their significant other will respond, there is a problem. If a guy cannot tell his girlfriend how he feels because he is afraid she will blow up or break up with him and vice versa, then maybe a break up should have already happened.

Obsessive

Being in love with someone is important in a relationship. Those who are so “in love” that they cannot control themselves are the people to take caution with. 

Many guys who are obsessive will fill up all of their girlfriend’s free time with things they can do together. Girls can do exactly the same thing. There are many ways to approach situations like these, but the most important thing is to make sure to get away from the relationship. Jessica described how she handled this dangerous relationship; “I completely blocked him from my life after I broke up with him.” She advised other people that, “it’s hard to see [a controlling boyfriend] while you’re in the relationship, but looking back you will realize you’re so much better than that.”

Breaking Away

Once a boyfriend or girlfriend becomes too controlling, the next step is to leave them. This is not as easy as it sounds. Taking time to step back from the relationship and talk to other people will help put priorities in order and will allow for you to get another perspective on your relationship. Dan agreed that talking through things is helpful in dealing with a breakup, “You have to be willing to talk and get everything off your chest. I talked to my sister and told her everything that was bothering me. Instead of jumping to a rebound girl, I decided to get all of my anger out by going to the gym. I’d spend two hours five days a week just working out. The most important thing is to do your thing. I’d go out with my boys and realize I was happier without her than I ever was with her.”

According to the experts at lovegoodbadugly.com, many people find themselves so in love with their significant other that they cannot seem to even recognize the bad things in the relationship;  “When you know someone can be loving, it can be hard to stop wanting to be with them ― even if they have hurt you. It’s an exciting feeling, being in love. It can almost be addictive.”

 

Photo Credit: Flickr User, eflon

Senior > Communications > Pace University

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