• Skip to main content
  • Skip to header right navigation
  • Skip to site footer
College Magazine logo

College Magazine

College Life, Dating, Career & Campus Advice

  • Colleges
    • College Guides
    • College Rankings
    • Campus Life
      • Academics
      • Dating
      • Freshman Year
      • Health
      • Social Change
      • Party
    • Find Your College
  • Majors
    • All Majors
    • Most Popular Majors
    • Choosing a Major
  • Intern
    • Internship Directory
    • How to Get an Internship
    • How to Write a Resume
    • How to Write a Cover Letter
    • How to Interview
    • How to Network
    • Career 101
    • Find Your Passion Career
  • Money
    • How to Make Money
    • How to Save Money
    • How to Get a Job
    • Credit Cards 101
    • FAFSA
    • Ramen Project
  • Travel
    • Study Abroad
    • College Spring Break
    • How to Travel Cheap
    • Things to Do
  • Shop
    • College Magazine Shop
    • Gift Guides
    • College Packing List
Home » Latest Posts » Ladies, Stop Doing This on Facebook or You’ll Never Get Laid
Life

Ladies, Stop Doing This on Facebook or You’ll Never Get Laid

Facebook Tweet
C.T. Schwink   February 3, 2012
Yesterday we posted a list of what guys shouldn’t do on Facebook if they have any expectation of getting laid. You can use Facebook to your advantage to stoke a potential flame, but often times guys use it for some creepy shit. Conversely, girls do some really off putting things on Facebook too. Here are a few.

Disclaimer: Guys are easy to please and are often blinded by vagina, so all of these things could probably get you laid. Just probably by a creeper and not an upstanding gentleman.

Duck face a.k.a. the kissy face
When girls get their pictures taken, they normally pose depending on what the situation calls for and top it off with the tried and true teeth-baring smile. Though, every once and a while, they’ll pull a wild card move. All of the sudden, right as the picture is snapping, they fly off the handle and BOOM! We have the duck face. I can’t even begin to think as to what overcomes them. Maybe they black out for a second? I don’t think we’ll ever know. In their mind, they probably think they look cute, as if they’re blowing kisses to all of their adoring fans. News flash: You have no adoring fans, moron. Only a certain breed of girl does this. You could probably scroll down your Facebook friends and pick out the perpetrators. They’re disgusting individuals. Ladies, we know who you are and we won’t stand for this nonsense.

Pictures of drunken urination

trending

417

10 Student Organizations Breaking the Mold at Berkeley

179

Top 10 Spots Around Emerson College to Get Inspired

158

Top 10 Ways to Spot a UT Austin Alum


Every I time I come across one of these unsuspectingly on Facebook, I feel like raking sandpaper across my eyes just to ease the pain. Guys, you’ve been there. You’re innocently scrolling through the latest album of drunken debauchery from the weekend prior, reliving all the highlights. Nothing seems awry. Then, like a shark silently slicing through the water on a fine summer’s day, you’ve been attacked. You don’t even know what’s hit you and the shark rips off your leg before you can escape. You stagger out of the water and look down at your stump and then at the water. There’s blood everywhere. You’ll never forget this scene of pure horror. This is what stumbling across one of these pictures is like. Think about that, ladies. The next time you consider putting up a picture of you and your clown friends popping a squat, ask yourself, am I pro-shark attack?

The tell-all Facebook status
“Ugh today was totes the worst. I went to the gym and in the middle of my workout, I realized that I had a gyno appt! So I rushed over, I was all sweaty in the stirrups. Sorry doc lol! Then I had a text from my ex. You cheated on me with that cow. You’re the love of my life. But my friends say you’re a cocksucker. I’m still crying over how you broke my heart and now I’m picking up the pieces… Whatever. I was feeling down so I went home and plunged face first into some left over cake. Sweets heal the heart ;)…”

I could go on, but you get the picture. Pardon me while I vomit.

Why do you insist on transforming Facebook into a disgusting LiveJournal? Posting something like that is guaranteed to make boners run far, far away. And why do you feel the need to give us a play-by-play on your day? Normally guys (And most people in general) don’t give a shit about the minutia of your day. Do you think details on your excursion to the grocery store where you couldn’t decide what low-fat yogurt to buy is going to turn guys on? Or chronicling your unravelling relationship and the back and forth dagger tossing between you and you ex-boyfriend, you think that’s going to have boys kicking down your door? I disagree. (While I don’t think it’ll help your sex cause, please don’t stop doing this, as it provides endless entertainment for us sane people out there.) Let’s try and keep it short and a little bit less intrusive. I feel like I’m constantly being given a window into your life that I’d really rather not peer into. 

About C.T. Schwink

Senior > Journalism > University of Maryland

What I Wish I Had Known About Mental Health So I Wouldn’t Have to Call Myself a College Dropout

Ant-Man Opens the Doors for Marvel’s New Phase

10 Boba Tea Spots for Houston College Students

10 Ways to Have Fun with Your Friends Indoors

Do You Actually Care, Or Do You Want to Look Like You Do?

unsplash.com

Top Ten Inspirational Quotes from Your Favorite Sports TV Shows

I lived with my three best friends. Here’s how it went.

21 Things to Do in Williamsburg When You’re Under 21

The Beauty and Pain of Living Alone

Previous Post:Super Bowl Prop Bets: What’s Kelly Clarkson Wearing?
Next Post:Making the Most of Your Snow Day

colleges

  • College Guides
  • College Rankings
  • Campus life
  • Academics
  • Dating
  • Freshmen Year
  • Health
  • Party

majors

  • All College Majors
  • Most Popular Majors
  • Choosing a Major

intern

  • Internships Directory
  • How to Write a Resume
  • How to Write a Cover Letter
  • How to Interview
  • How to Get an Internship
  • How to Network

money

  • How to Make Money
  • How to Save Money
  • How to Get a Job
  • Credit Cards 101
  • College Loans

travel

  • Study Abroad
  • College Spring Break
  • How to Travel Cheap
  • Things to Do

shop

  • College Packing List
  • Gift Guides
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • RSS Feed
  • Twitter
  • About Us
  • Team
  • Write
  • Apply
  • Privacy Policy
  • Sign Up
  • Advertise
  • My Account
  • Cart

College Magazine logo

Copyright © 2023 Powered by BizBudding