Dr. Sawyer: In some cultures where female virginity is prized above all (while men, of course screw anything that moves while maintaining an impeccable reputation), a cottage industry of hymen reconstruction exists. The “surgeon” takes a very sheer piece of animal membrane, lightly sutures it across the opening of the vagina, and voila, she’s a virgin – again! Men think they know three things about a woman’s loss of virginity: there will be pressure because of the hymen; there will be bleeding; and inevitably, there will be pain. When the wedding night arrives the expectant man can’t wait to deflower his shy and “virginal” bride. Sex begins, and the man feels some pressure as the hymen is challenged; there will inevitably be a small amount of blood as the sutures give way, and the bride doesn’t have to be Natalie Portman to emit some convincing wails of pain. So there we have it … pressure, blood, pain, another virgin deflowered, a man’s honor satisfied. It doesn’t get any better than that!!
Tips for the Pre-Law
