Thank God you’re not a freshman anymore. But a new crop of innocent babies are moving into the dorms and swarming on campus (in packs of course). As an upperclassman, you’ll be able to spot a freshman a mile away. Here’s how (HINT: Freshmeat, try to avoid these!):
1.) Wearing Lanyards
This is the number one dead giveaway of a college newbie.
2.) Traveling in Packs
Fear of getting lost or being alone has freshmen sticking together. Poor guys. If you seen fifteen kids walking by the upperclassman houses in search for a party, you know they’re fresh meat.
3.) Carrying Campus Maps.
“Having a campus map is like social suicide, because it shows that you have absolutely no clue what you’re doing…it makes you look vulnerable and quite unprepared,” says Katey Haus, a sophomore at the University of Notre Dame.
4.) Doing All The Homework
Lecture courses assign boatloads of reading. Most of it is supplementary. Freshmen rarely realize this; you’ll find them freaking out over 60-pages of reading, plus packets and worksheets.
5.) Nervous As Hell.
“Looking afraid is one of the biggest things I notice, especially when they have to interact with upperclassmen. We like taking freshmen under our wings, but it’s so uncomfortable when you can sense how nervous they are,” says Curtis Khol, a senior at the Naval Academy.
6.) Calling Mom ALL THE TIME
Nothing screams “hopeless” like freshmen calling their moms every day to complain about their psycho roommate or the nauseating dining hall food.
7.) FAILING at Drinking Games
Freshman might talk a big game, but they can’t possibly beat an upperclassman with years of beer pong and flip cup experience. They’re also the ones who will chase, shot, chase, shot, chase, THEN finish the shot. Freshmen, take note: sit down with your Solo cup at the parties until you’ve practiced enough back in the dorms.
Club Presidents drool over freshman. They’re the ones at club fairs signing up for everything from trampoline to Anime club.
9.) Thinking They’re Sexy
That girl in the skimpy tank, bra showing, and skirt? Most likely a freshman. They’re trying so hard to fit in that they stand out.
10.) Jersey Chasing
Freshman love the athelets. Girls flirt with the football, basketball and baseball boys while boys chase track and soccer girls (if they can catch them). Usually this phase doesn’t last long, but you know they’re newbies when you see them shriek every time an athlete by.