How To Get A 4.0 GPA

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Believe it or not, getting a 4.0 is much easier than teachers would lead you to assume.

When you first receive that acceptance letter, you're all sorts of excited, aren't you? But once that initial rush has faded away and the endorphins have settled down, you slowly come to the realization that you’re in for a rough four years. And, upon getting to college, you realize it’s not going to be the walk in the park you assumed it would be—unless you’re going to school in New York and Central Park is right next-door, waiting to be utilized for midnight strolls.

Lucky for you, there are clear-cut steps to achieving that 4.0. Whether you’re a freshman or on the verge of graduation, it’s not too late to get that GPA up—it’s never too late, a la Three Days Grace.

  1. Classes?
    Teachers would have you believe that going to classes is mandatory; that the most amount of information you’ll learn is from them babbling in front of you for hours. If that were true, why else would they post the lecture slides online and make you buy the textbook? It’s a mind-game that only the stupid fall for. That’s right, all your other classmates are only slightly more intelligent than baboons for showing up to class. You don’t need lectures—just skim the textbook, look through the notes before going to bed and show up to the test, ready to ace it. It’s that easy!
  2. Unprepared? Not a problem!
    Now let’s say you didn’t have any time for any of the above…what now? Well, you know what they say: something about using your resources. And well, classmates are resources, aren’t they? (In case you haven’t studied for that question, here’s the answer: they are!) So get your best hooded sweater, the best magnifying glass you can find and get ready to peer at the answers on the desk adjacent to you—not the one next to you (9 times out of 10, he or she has no idea what they’re doing). Remember, school is just one really long game of chess. Classmates equal checkmate.
  3. Last resort.
    Let’s say you don’t trust your classmates enough to borrow their answers. Let’s say tests are beneath you. That’s fine—you can still get by without taking them. This step is a bit tricky, it usually necessitates a team: not necessarily Ethan Hunt but definitely something along the lines of Hermione and Ron or a Perfect Score shindig. Short master-plan long: the night after you finish your last class at college, sneak into the records office (or wherever grades are kept at your university), change your grades to all A’s and…voila! A 4.0! And all it took was a well-planned heist. 
  4. Worst case scenario.
    Now this one is a stretch, but I hear it has a somewhat high success rate. Apparently it’s called “studying.” Strange concept, I know. Like people don’t have anything better to do with their time than memorize stuff they won’t need in the post-grad world. Anywho, apparently it works so…give it a shot?

So, there you have it: getting a 4.0 in college really isn’t as difficult as “they” would have you believe. It’s all about hard-work and determination not to do hard-work. 

Junior > Journalism and Architecture > University of Massachusetts Amherst

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