Good Student/Bad Student: Perfect Attendance Chick vs. Beer Bong Bro

We want you to be good. On the other hand, we can't help but feed into your bad drama. Of course the college atmosphere breeds naughty behavior and the media will always cover the incidents that stem from alcohol-induced high jinks. At the same time, we believe college students are changing the world every day. In good student/bad student, we give you the best of both:

Incoming College Freshman Finished K-12 with Perfect Attendance

Kaylee Wicka somehow managed to go from kindergarten to her high school graduation without ever missing a day of school.

“It was really hard some days because of sports and doctor’s appointments, but I made it somehow,” Wicka told U-T San Diego.

The 17-year-old native of Escondido, Ca., is a machine. She played three varsity sports (basketball, golf and track and field) at Escondido High School, graduated with a 4.00 GPA and is heading to Chicago in the fall to study mechanical engineering and play basketball at the Illinois Institute of Technology.

What an underachiever, amirite?

Bros Invent Beer Bong That Somehow Makes Drinking Easier

Is chugging beer through a bong too much work for you? Then you’re part of the problem that led to the invention of the “Bro Bong.”

The contraption hooks up to a doorway and allows up to three people to destroy a beer bong simultaneously with no hands required. Because the one thing holding back many college students from becoming full-fledged alcoholics was the amount of effort it took to down a beer bong.

This invention comes to you from Matt Opalski, who claims to have graduated college two years ago with “a degree in engineering and a master’s in beer bonging.” I call shenanigans: there’s no way this guy has a degree in engineering.

Are we really so lazy now that we need help to chug beer? If Opalski’s Kickstarter campaign to fund this monstrosity actually reaps rewards, that’s the message we’ll be sending to the rest of the world.  

If this device becomes a college staple, expect the number of alcohol-related ambulance rides on college campuses to skyrocket.