The Darty. According to urbandictionary.com, this term is classified simply as “a day-time party.” But for all of us college kids out there, we know that the Darty is so much more. In fact, it’s a rite of passage. Sure, you have the fraternity mixers, the bar scene, and the creepy basement house parties, but you haven’t had the real college experience until you’ve attended a Darty:
Rule 1: There must be daylight
This one should obviously go without saying, but for those who have been holed up in their dimly lit bedrooms studying mechanical engineering for the past four years, I thought this information might still be useful. A Darty that takes place at night is just a regular party, plain and simple. It’s as senseless as a sorority girl without a pair of Uggs; a frat boy without Sperry’s; a business major without an overstuffed Ziploc bag of Adderall. They just don’t exist.
Rule 2: Darties are not Darties in the winter
If you’re ballsy enough to sit outside in your Northfaces and sweatpants while chugging brews, you are still not Dartying. Considering the fact that this type of party requires comfortable outdoor gallivanting, the presence of snow, rain or temperatures that drop below 60 degrees makes the whole Darty experience inauthentic. Stick to bars and other indoor drinking facilities until a pair of shorts becomes a permissible (and rational) wardrobe option.
Rule 3: You must be drunk
If you’re trying to perfect the university skill known as the Darty, you’ll need a few liquid supplements. This means that cans of Miller Lite, handles of Svedka, and liters of Diet Coke better be emptied and scattered across the lawn by the end of the day. If you want to socialize in a sober setting, it would behoove you to skip out on the Darty and have your Larty (Lame excuse for a party) in one of the following places: the library lobby, the hipster coffee shop on State Street, or perhaps your bedroom where you can have a rousing video chat session with your little brother and family dog.
Rule 4: Speakers are a necessity
A Darty isn’t a Darty without some quality music blasting loudly enough to cause long-term eardrum damage. Cue catchy pop songs like “Call Me Maybe,” rage-inducing jams by Skrillex and Avicii and some quality 90s classics by the Spice Girls and Backstreet Boys. Now you’ve got yourself a Darty.