For as long as I live, I will never forget the time Jamie asked me to tell him he was big. Fishing for compliments is one thing. Demanding them between thrusts is entirely another.
Sadly, this is not the worst kind of dirty talk I’ve ever encountered, and after talking to my best friends, Sex and the City style, I’ve heard stories of even worse requests, commands, and straight-up weird noises. Go figure. The men of today are rarely Romeos, save for the Ryan Goslings and Zac Efrons of contemporary romantic comedies. That said, to become less like lotharios and more like Casanovas, it’s our own responsibility to help these hopeless guys tune into what we really want to hear.
Breathy voices, deep sighs and sexy gasps all have their place in a passionate tryst. But there are a few factors to consider before one whispers depraved, disgusting nothings into a partner’s ear.
Know your boundaries with your partner. Everybody’s got their fantasies, we all know it wasn’t just Ludacris and Shaggy who liked it on the floor. That said, the punch line to the funniest sex scenes usually come from women with foul mouths. It’s an integral part of a relationship, to be open and communicate effectively with your partner. Tell them how you like it, what you like, and where. But insisting that they whip you with a leather riding crop the second time you spend the night, and you may send him running. Comfort is a gradual process, a privilege worth working towards. Ease your way into the sexiest pillow talk with baby steps before jumping in.
Suggestions are a lot easier to handle than demands. S&M has got its place, that’s for sure. A little bit of bossing around can do a body good. However, try to coax your man with guidance. Instead of barking, “EAT ME HARDER,” tell him, “I love when you do that… try it harder!” Encouragement paired with a proposal is a much easier method of getting what you want, and speaking up is sexy as hell.
There’s no better time to stroke his ego than when you’re in bed. But instead of waiting for him to insist on a compliment, a la Jamie – I’m still shuddering at the thought, years later – serve it up on a silver platter. If you’re really enjoying this time with your man, there should be plenty to talk about. His ass, his mouth, how great he makes you feel…there’s no shortage of qualities for you to praise.
Lastly, when you’re in the moment, you’re both obviously very vulnerable. In any high-pressure situation, you’re a lot more likely to speak your mind. If you’ve been looking for more insight on what he wants from YOU, feel free to ask. “How do you like it, babe? What do you want to try tonight?” The floor is essentially open for recommendations at this point.
Sexy speech isn’t just for sapiosexuals like myself – those who are turned on by intelligence. Telling your partner how you feel and what you want can really make a huge difference in your sex life, and I strongly suggest you try it. Start off slowly, and you’ll be surprised by how much you two can learn about each other. I dare you.