By Justin J. Brisson > University of Missouri
Having an NFL game in the middle of the week should wet your taste buds for the upcoming weekend, not leave you with a disgusting taste in your mouth. When I watch Thursday Night Football on NFL Network, I taste cow dung. In fact, it’s the worst part of my week. It’s like a train wreck, I don’t want to watch but I just cannot take my eyes off of it.
The main source of this frustratingly distasteful stank originates from the mouths of color commentators Matt Millen and Joe Theismann. Listening to Millen and Theismann is like listening to your two most idiotic friends defend their stance on a controversial penalty call. You just want to blow your brains out by the time they’re finished.
During the San Francisco-San Diego game, I witnessed Millen and Theismann at their worst. Now, they always enjoy immediately picking a stance on a call before watching all replays or hearing other opinions. But in between this frustrating ignorance, Millen really aggravated me last Thursday.
With four minutes remaining in the second quarter, the Chargers faced third-and-10 from their own 13. Before the snap, the 49ers showed a seven-man blitz, but only rushed five guys. Chargers quarterback Philip Rivers completed a short pass to receiver Kelley Washington, which then turned into a 36-yard gain when Washington sprinted up the right sideline before being hit and injured out of bounds, drawing a 15-yard personal foul. During the replay, Millen said that the 49ers sent more than the Chargers could handle, forcing Rivers to get rid of the ball quickly. He claimed that the 49ers sent five pass rushers while San Diego only kept four back to block.
Four back to block?! Did the former NFL player and four-time Super Bowl champion forget that there had to be FIVE offensive linemen on the field? Actually, running back Ryan Mathews also stayed back in pass protection, bringing the total to SIX Chargers blockers. Not only did Millen Bungle Up this one from the beginning, but he failed to correct his mistake during the bevy of replays that followed. We must have been shown the play another three times. If it was apparent to me how many players were blocking, it should be apparent to a former NFL linebacker.
I want to relax on Thursday nights and watch football. But when I have to listen to Millen and Theismann’s incessant arguing, I want to break the television immediately so that sound ceases to emit from it.